The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Springfield Files (1997)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bart Simpson : Hey, dad. What's the word from planet crackpot?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I suppose you're going to mock me, too.

  Bart Simpson : Well, actually, dad, I believe you.

  Homer Simpson : You do?

  Bart Simpson : Yes, I do. You seem so damn sure.

  Homer Simpson : Thank you, son. And do you think you could stop the casual swearing?

  Bart Simpson : Hell, yes.

• Bart Simpson : Yo, dad, can I have a sip of your beer?

  Homer Simpson : Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

• Homer : This Friday, we're going back to the woods and we're going to find that alien!

  Bart Simpson : What if we don't?

  Homer : We'll fake it and sell it to the FOX network.

  Bart Simpson : They'll buy anything.

  Homer : Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming, too.

  [both burst out laughing] 

  Homer : I kill me.

• Lisa : All right! It's time for ABC's "TGIF" line-up!

  Bart Simpson : Lise, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' "Saturday night craporama".

• Alien : I bring you peace.

  Homer : As a representative of planet Earth, let me be the first to say...

  [realizing his leg is on fire, he screams and tries to put it out] 

  Homer : [the alien leaves]  D'oh! It's gone. And we still don't have any proof.

  Bart Simpson : [holding up Flanders' camcorder]  Oh, yes, we do. I got it all on tape.

• Lisa : Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine", the chances are 175 million to 1 of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours.

  Homer : So?

  Lisa : It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic lowlifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, dad.

  [she chuckles nervously] 

  Bart Simpson : [coming in with a Super Soaker, improvised antennae on a helmet, and droopy-eye spring glasses]  I am the thing from Uranus.

  Homer : [whimpering, then realizing]  Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked by my own children. On my birthday.

  Bart Simpson : It's your birthday?

  Homer : Yes. Remember? It's the same day as the dog's.

  Lisa : [the family begins cuddling and petting the dog]  Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh, we've got to get you a present. Yes, we do. Yes, we do.

  Bart Simpson : We love you, boy.

  Marge Simpson : Good doggy. Good doggy.

  Homer : [muttering under his breath]  Lousy, loveable dog.

• Bart Simpson : Well, Lise, what do you think about the alien now?

  Lisa : I think there must be a more logical explanation, and I think the people of this town aren't going to be won over by three seconds of videotape.

  Homer : [hearing the doorbell, he opens the front door to see a group of townspeople outside]  Uh... I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the alien. Any questions at all.

  [Dr. Hibbert raises his hand] 

  Homer : Dr. Hibbert?

  Dr. Hibbert : Yes, is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based?

  Homer : Uh... the second one. Zilliphone. Next question.

  Barney : Is the alien Santa Claus?

  Homer : Uh... yes.

  Ned Flanders : Uh, were you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?

  Homer : This interview is over!

  [as he goes back inside and slams the door, said weather vane falls to the ground] 

• Bart : Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?

  Leonard Nimoy : Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.

  Bart : [flippantly]  Uh-huh.

  Hot Dog Vendor : Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?

  Leonard Nimoy : Surprise me.