The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show (1997)
Pamela Hayden: Milhouse Van Houten, Krusty's Secretary
Quotes
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Focus Group Guy : [after showing the kids some Itchy & Scratchy cartoons] Okay, how many of the kids would like Itchy & Scratchy to deal with real life problems like the ones you face every day?
[the kids cheer]
Focus Group Guy : And who would like to see them do just the opposite, getting into far-out situations involving robots and magic powers.
[the kid kids cheer again]
Focus Group Guy : So you want a realistic down-to-earth show that's completely off the wall and swarming with magic robots?
[the kids all chat at once about it being a great idea]
Milhouse Van Houten : And, also, you should win things by watching.
Focus Group Guy : [sighs]
Roger Myers Jr. : [turns off the mirror disguise in the window] You kids don't know what you want. That's why you're still kids, 'cause you're stupid. Just tell me what's wrong with the freakin' show!
[turns the mirror back on]
Ralph Wiggum : [starts crying] Mommy!
Lisa Simpson : Um, excuse me, sir. The thing is, there's not really anything wrong with the Itchy & Scratchy Show. It's as good as ever. But after so many years, the characters just can't have the same impact they once had.
Roger Myers Jr. : [turns the mirror off again] That's it. That's it, little girl. You've saved Itchy & Scratchy!
Blue-haired Lawyer : [holding out a piece of paper to Lisa] Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save Itchy & Scratchy.
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Milhouse Van Houten : [the Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie cartoon is showing] When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?
[Milhouse starts whimpering]
Moe : Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?
Moe : [to Marge] Midge, help me out here.
Homer : Quiet. You're missing the jokes.
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Roger Myers Jr. : Hey, Krusty, you look great. You get your teeth bleached?
Krusty : Yeah, it's a new kind of polymer treatment... HEY, SHUT UP! You're here 'cause your Itchy & Scratchy cartoons are stinking up my ratings!
[points to a ratings chart]
Krusty : Look at this breakdown of yesterday's show!
Roger Myers Jr. : What happened here? Lightning hit the transmitter?
Krusty : See, that what I thought at first, but then... HEY, SHUT UP! That crater is where your lousy cartoon crash-landed! It's ratings poison!
Roger Myers Jr. : But Itchy & Scratchy is critically acclaimed.
Krusty : ACCLAIMED? PAH! I ought to replace it right now with a Chinese cartoon where robots turn into blingwads! But I'm a lazy, lazy man, Roger. So I'm gonna give you one more chance. Now get out! Don't come back till you've fixed Itchy & Scratchy.
[Roger Myers Jr. slams the door so hard it breaks off, showing Sideshow Mel in the waiting room]
Krusty's Secreatary : [off-screen] Okay, Mel, you can go in now.
Sideshow Mel : [walks into Krusty's office] Krusty, I've come to solicit donations for the Rock 'n' Roll Museum, and...
[Krusty still has an angry face from his argument with Roger Myers Jr]
Sideshow Mel : I'll come back later.