The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show (1997)
Hank Azaria: Oakley, Meyer, Roy, Doug, Comic Book Guy, 'Uh, in episode...', Moe Szyslak, Carl
Quotes
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Doug : In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is a magic xylophone, or something? Ha ha, boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
Homer : I'll field that one. Let me ask *you* a question. Why would a grown man whose shirt says "Genius at Work" spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show?
[embarrassed pause]
Doug : I withdraw my question.
[starts eating a candy bar]
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Comic Book Guy : Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.
Bart Simpson : Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
Comic Book Guy : As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart Simpson : What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, you owe them.
Comic Book Guy : Worst episode ever.
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George Meyer : Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important?
[backpedaling]
George Meyer : Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that.
[pause]
George Meyer : I'm fired, aren't I?
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Milhouse Van Houten : [the Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie cartoon is showing] When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?
[Milhouse starts whimpering]
Moe : Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?
Moe : [to Marge] Midge, help me out here.
Homer : Quiet. You're missing the jokes.
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Doug : [wearing a T-shirt that says "Genius at Work"] Hi. A question for Miss Bellamy. In episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
June Bellamy : Uh, well...
Homer : I'll field this one.
Homer : [to Doug] Let me ask you a question. Why would a man whose shirt says "Genius at Work" spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show?
[pause]
Doug : I withdraw my question.
[takes a bite from a bar of chocolate]
Database : Uh, excuse me, Mr Simpson. On the Itchy & Scratchy CD-ROM, is there a way to get out of the dungeon without using the wizard key?
Homer : What the hell are you talking about?
June Bellamy : You're a lifesaver, Homer. I can't deal with these hard-core fans.
Comic Book Guy : [clears throat] Your attention, please.
Man : [everyone is still paying attention to June Bellamy & Homer] Uh, in episode...
Comic Book Guy : [interrupting] EH, YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE! Mr Simpson will now be autographing 8-by-10 glossies of Poochie. ONE per customer. Please form a line. There will be no cutting.
[points to someone off-screen]
Comic Book Guy : I'm talking to you, Mr Cutter.
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Nelson Muntz : [after the Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie cartoon ends] That stunk.
Homer : Well, what did everybody think?
[everyone starts leaving in disgust]
Ned Flanders : Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of Impy & Chimpy I've ever seen.
Carl : Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer. You, uh... got a beautiful home here.
Homer : [to the rest of the Simpson family] So it was pretty okay, huh?
Bart Simpson : Mom, can we go to bed without dinner
Marge Simpson : Yes, we can.
[Marge, Bart and Lisa run upstairs]
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Comic Book Guy : Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.