The Simpsons (TV Series)

Take My Wife, Sleaze (1999)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa, Faceless Man, Shopkeeper

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : The first meeting of Hell's Satans is called to order.

  Ned Flanders : I move to reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all

  [chuckles] 

  Ned Flanders : , we don't wanna *go* to hell.

  Lenny : How 'bout The Devil's Pals.

  Ned Flanders : [nervously chuckles]  Nuh-no... see...

  Moe Szyslak : How about the Christ punchers?

  Ned Flanders : The Chri...! I-I don't think you understand my objections.

  Homer Simpson : I'm the president and the decision is mine. We're Hell's Satans. Besides, I already made our club jackets.

  [Homer hold up a jacket with Hell's Satans imprinted on the back] 

  Lenny : Ooo, machine wash warm.

  Carl : Tumble dry... Oooh lah lah.

• Homer Simpson : My wife is not a doobie, to be passed around from person to person! I made a sacred vow, on my wedding day, to bogart her for the rest of my life.

  Meathook : There's only one way to settle this: you and me, in the Circle of Death.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, I just swept the Circle of Death.

• Attendant : Yeah, I did see some bikers drive by here with a blue-haired woman about ten minutes ago. Said they were gonna spend the night at that Crystal Lake camp ground. Section K, space 217. Yeah, I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

  Homer Simpson : I guess I'll never find her.

• Marge Simpson : And when you get a job interview, try not to call your employer a punk or a skank.

  Meathook : Makes sense.

  Ramrod : Ooh, *don't* call him skank.

  Meathook : Mrs. Simpson, I killed my pencil.

  Marge Simpson : Broke. You *broke* your pencil.

  Meathook : I... broke him.

  Marge Simpson : That's right. And what else have we learned?

  Ramrod : Oh oh, that violence is wrong.

  Marge Simpson : Excellent, Ramrod. Civilized people solve their disputes with words.

  [Homer jumps in screaming and punching] 

  Marge Simpson : Stop! You don't understand!

  [Homer continues, attacking, punching, and throwing people] 

  Meathook : Marge, what do we do here? Marge, he's using violence.

  Marge Simpson : Talk to him. Use your words.

  Meathook : Homer... Homer... stop. We've given up our violent ways. We just wanna live peacefully... with your wife.

  Homer Simpson : No! My wife is not a dooby... to be passed around! I took a sacred vow on my wedding day to bogart her forever.

  Marge Simpson : Oooooh, Homey.

  Meathook : There's only one reasonable way to settle this... you and me, in the circle of death.

  Marge Simpson : Ooooh, I just swept the circle of death.