The Simpsons (TV Series)
Marge vs. the Monorail (1993)
Harry Shearer: Montgomery Burns, Waylon Smithers, Ned Flanders, Lanley Institute Commercial Voice-Over, Kent Brockman, Rev. Lovejoy, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny, Otto, Judge Snyder, Sebastian Cobb
Quotes
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Montgomery Burns : [very badly disguised with a fake moustache] Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. And I come from, uh... someplace far away.
Montgomery Burns : [to himself] Yes, that'll do.
Montgomery Burns : [back to Mayor Quimby] Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Waylon Smithers : I like the way Snrub thinks.
[everyone looks suspiciously at Mr. Burns, then Smithers fires a rope a the roof, helping Mr. Burns to escape]
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Lyle Lanely : [begins to chant rhythmically] Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bona-fide, electrified, six-car monorail! What'd I say?
[points at Ned Flanders]
Ned Flanders : Monorail!
Lyle Lanely : What's it called?
Patty Bouvier , Selma Bouvier : Monorail.
Lyle Lanely : That's right, monorail!
[runs up to the stage, the crowd begins chanting]
Crowd : Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.
[continues underneath those who speak]
Miss Hoover : I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanely : [playing the piano on stage] It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu : Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanely : Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney Gumble : What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanely : You'll be given cushy jobs.
Grampa Simpson : Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanely : No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum : The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanely : Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear, it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Crowd : [singing] Monorail...
Lyle Lanely : [speaking] What's it called?
Crowd : [singing] Monorail...
Lyle Lanely : Once again!
Crowd : [still singing] Monoraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail!
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Sebastian Kobb : [showing Marge North Haverbrook's monorail] This is all that's left of one of the crappiest trains ever built.
Marge Simpson : [worried] Mr Kobb, what can we do?
Sebastian Kobb : You just better have a damn good conductor.
[cuts to the monorail where Homer is clattering a metal wire over the monorail door]
Homer : Ohh, I locked my keys in there!
[to Bart]
Homer : Get a rock.
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Mayor Quimby : Order! Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.
Homer : Get to the money!
Mayor Quimby : In a moment. First, let's review the minutes from our last meeting.
Apu : Get to the money!
Rev. Lovejoy : Get to the money!
Grampa Simpson : Get to the moneeey!
Mayor Quimby : Very well. We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the $2 million.
Lisa Simpson : Don't you mean $3 million?
Mayor Quimby : ...Of course. How silly of me.
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Sebastian Kobb : [to Homer, over radio] I think I have a way to stop the train. You need to find an anchor of some sort.
[Homer looks at Bart, and imagines him as an anchor]
Bart : Think harder, Homer.
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TV announcer : Coming soon, it's "Truckasaurus: The Movie", starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
John Truckasaurus : You crazy car, I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you.
[beat]
TV disclaimer : Celebrity voice impersonated.
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Judge Snyder : Mr. Burns, in light of your unbelievable contempt for human life, this court fines you $3million.
Montgomery Burns : Smithers, my wallet's in my right front pocket.
[Smithers hands over the money]
Montgomery Burns : Oh, and I'll take that statue of justice too.
Judge Snyder : Sold!
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Kent Brockman : [to the TV camera] Here's country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest day at the Betty Ford Clinic.
[to Lurleen]
Kent Brockman : What you been up to Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin : I spent last night in the ditch.
Kent Brockman : [to the TV camera] How about that, folks?