- Homer: Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV.
- Lurleen Lumpkin: Oh, Homer, you're as smart as you are handsome.
- Homer: Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
- Lurleen Lumpkin: Oh, Homer, no man's ever been nice to me without, you know, wantin' something in return.
- Homer: Well, I was going to ask you for a glass of water, but now I kind of feel guilty about it.
- Homer: I'm sorry, Lurleen. All I wanted to do was share your beautiful voice with other people, and I've done that. Now, I'd better get out of here before I lose my family.
- [Homer walks out a door, then comes back]
- Homer: Just so I don't wonder, you would have gone all the way with me, wouldn't you?
- Lurleen Lumpkin: Uh-huh.
- Homer: [disappointed] Ooh. Okay.
- Homer: Lurleen, wait.
- Lurleen Lumpkin: Yeah?
- Homer: I just wanted to say your song touched me deeply in a way I've never felt before... and which way to the can?
- Homer: Do you have your songs on a CD?
- Lurleen Lumpkin: Sorry. Al my songs are up here.
- [referring to her head]
- Lurleen Lumpkin: "I'm Basting a Turkey With my Tears", "Don't Look Up my Dress Unless You Mean It", "I'm Sick of Your Lyin' Lips and False Teeth".
- Recording Technician: You know, this studio has got alot of history. Buddy Holly once stood on this spot in 1958 and said, "there is no way in hell that I am going to record in this dump."
- Homer: I'm sure Lurleen'll love it.