- Cosmo Kramer: Well you know they don't allow outside drinks in the movie theater. So I had to put it in my shirt and sneak it in.
- Jackie Chiles: Yeah, see they like to sell their own coffee.
- Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, now is that going to be a problem?
- Jackie Chiles: Yeah that's going to be a problem. It's gonna be a problem for them. This a clear violation of your rights as a consumer. It's an infringement on your constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.
- Cosmo Kramer: It's definitely preposterous.
- Jackie Chiles: So. Then what happened?
- Cosmo Kramer: Well I was trying to get to my seat and I had to step over someone and I kind of got pushed and it spilled on me.
- Jackie Chiles: Was there a top on it?
- Cosmo Kramer: Yeah
- Jackie Chiles: Now did you put the top on or did they put the top on for you?
- Cosmo Kramer: No. They put the top on.
- Jackie Chiles: And they made the top. You didn't make the top did you?
- [Kramer motions that he did not make the top]
- Jackie Chiles: [to secretary over intercom] Suzie. I want you to go down to Java World. Get me a cafe latte with a top.
- [to Kramer]
- Jackie Chiles: We're gonna run some test on that top. Have you been to the doctor?
- Cosmo Kramer: No. No, I haven't.
- Jackie Chiles: Suzie. Call Dr. Bison. Set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer here. Tell him it's from me.
- Cosmo Kramer: So, what do you think, Mr. Chiles.
- Jackie Chiles: Jackie
- Cosmo Kramer: Jackie. I mean, we have a chance?
- Jackie Chiles: Do we have a chance? You get me one coffee drinker on that jury, you gonna walk outta there a rich man.
- Jerry Seinfeld: [dark corner of Italian restaurant] Ah, excuse me, I'm looking for a Mr. Ciccio.
- Ciccio: Si, si, I'mma Ciccio.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Poppy sent me to see you, Mr. Ciccio.
- Ciccio: Si, si, Poppy.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Um, did he, did he mention to you why I called?
- Ciccio: Si, the house in Tuscana.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, right, right. So is there anything there to rent?
- Ciccio: Si. Two million a Lira. You give me the check.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I didn't actually want to rent it.
- Ciccio: The keys, here are the keys. You give me the check. Two million a Lira. Seventeen hundred Americana. Molto generoso.
- [a man approaches and whispers into Ciccio's ear]
- Ciccio: [to the man] Ah, si, si.
- Jerry Seinfeld: [nerviously watches the man walk away] So see um, I didn't say that I wanted to rent it, I was just wondering if there were... houses there to rent.
- Ciccio: Si.
- [holds up the keys]
- Ciccio: Thissa one! Capiche?
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I've never been anyplace where there was no coffee. People are constantly trying to give you coffee. "Would you like coffee? Can I get you some coffee?" Coffee is one of the only things you can have that people continue to try and give it to you. Waitresses are always coming over, "Can I fill it up? Can I warm it up? Can I top it off?" You can lift up a manhole cover, "We just made a fresh pot. Would you like some?" This liquid has taken over humanity. There are coffee machines we have to call "mister". "Coffee anyone? Hey, that's Mr. Coffee to you."
- George Costanza: I can sense the slightest human suffering.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Are you sensing anything right now?
- Jerry Seinfeld: So, what about the "Maestro" stuff? Did he make you all him Maestro?
- Elaine Benes: Yeah, I called him Maestro.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You didn't mind?
- Elaine Benes: Well, I did at first, but actually I kind of got used to it.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Okay, from now on I want you to call me "Jerry the Great".
- Elaine Benes: I'm not calling you "Jerry the Great".
- Jerry Seinfeld: Why not? You call him Maestro.
- Elaine Benes: He is a Maestro.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I'm great.