- Ron Laver: It's good to see you, buddy.
- Dr. Perry Cox: It's great to see you, I'll tell you that.
- Ron Laver: Looks like we got ourselves in a walk and hug here. What say we...
- Dr. Perry Cox: Yeah, yeah... yeah...
- Ron Laver: [coughs] So, look at you, Mr Big Time Doctor!
- Dr. Perry Cox: How about you, Mr Big Time... Big... I don't actually know what you do.
- Ron Laver: I've told you 100 times, I run mergers and acquisitions for a large private equity hedge fund... you've forgotten already...
- Dr. Perry Cox: No, no... you do hedge clipping for a big farm.
- Ron Laver: What?
- Dr. Perry Cox: You privately acquire hedgehogs... oh, come, on, you got a hog farm, give me a break. Tell me this, how's that super sexy mother of yours?
- Ron Laver: You know, your crush on my mom was cute where we were 14, but the woman's 85 now, you need to back off... or you ask her out to dinner: I'll have her pop in her "going out" teeth you can see if there's a real spark...
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Seeing Perry and Ron together] This is pretty great! You two have been friends for a long time, and integrated friendship: white guy and black guy...
- Ron Laver: I believe the term is AFRICAN-AMERICAN!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [mumbles] Turk lets me call him brown bear.
- Ron Laver: Who the hell is Turk?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [At the End of the episode]
- [while hugging Turk]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'm so happy to have my African American friend back.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Dude, call me brown bear.
- Todd Quinlan: There's only one rule if you're gonna stay at El Casa de Todd:
- [removes robe to reveal his bananahammock]
- Todd Quinlan: You gotta hammock up.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh... I don't have one of those, Todd.
- Todd Quinlan: No problem.
- [opens wardrobe which is full of bananahammocks and takes one out]
- Todd Quinlan: What are you, about a medium?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: ...Extra-medium.
- Todd Quinlan: This'll work. And it'll look good, too.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: I cannot believe what I just heard!
- Dr. Perry Cox: The tick-tocking of your biological clock leading you to the corner of Celibate and Spinster way?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: You have to move out.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What? Is this about the bra catapult thing? Because if it's that big a deal, I can throw my own water balloons. I don't need those C-cups.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [to a photo, while leaving the apartment] Bye, trumpet player I don't know. Now I understand why your music is so sad.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] All right, Carla calls the shots. Appeal to her rational side.
- [Out loud]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Carla, I totally understand you guys need your space, but with work and my financial situation, finding a new place is gonna be, minimum, two to four years.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Come on, Bambi. Aren't there any other married couples that want to live in a small apartment with a 29-year-old man?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] She called me a man! Okay, time to play the best friend card.
- [Out loud]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Turk, I've always had your back and you always had mine. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: It was my idea.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I banged your first girlfriend.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Chantal?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Okay, you know what, I vote Elliot goes home! Because she's all up in our space, honey! She's in our space!
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Oh, why? Because I don't want to dish about other people behind their backs or smell your toe?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Or finger!
- Dr. Elliot Reid: [Shrieking desperately] All I've seen so far is the toe, Turk!
- Jordan: You know, this whole competition thing that you have happening with your high school buddy, it is very, very boring. You know, like you were the homecoming king, he was the prom king. You went to medical school, he went to business school. You got divorced, he got divorced.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Yeah, but he never has to see his wife anymore, so technically he's got me beat on that one.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Ron's kid doesn't make eye contact, he barely speaks, and he freaked out when you tried to cuddle him. I mean, hell, if he was an adult, he'd be, well... you know... me. But those behaviors in a child could point towards Autism. I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do.
- Jordan: Grit our teeth, get through the weekend, never speak to Ron again?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Exactly.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [at Todd's apartment with his things] Thanks for letting us crash here, man.
- Todd Quinlan: [wearing a red and black silk robe] The Todd's not accustomed to receiving gentleman callers.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [awkwardly] Okay...
- [turns around and sees a group picture on the wall behind him with Todd and some other men wearing flip flops and Speedos, presumably a male swim team]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh! Cool picture! Which one of those guys is you?
- Todd Quinlan: Oh, I don't swim. So there's only one rule if you're gonna stay at El Casa de Todd...
- [removes his robe to reveal a skimpy fire-print banana hammock underneath]
- Todd Quinlan: You gotta hammock up.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [uncomfortable] Oh, I don't have one of those, Todd.
- Todd Quinlan: No problem.
- [he opens up a wardrobe full of banana hammocks and takes out a lime green one]
- Todd Quinlan: What are you, about a medium?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [still uncomfortable] Extra medium.
- Todd Quinlan: This'll work. And it'll look good, too.