- J.D.: You know Perry...
- Dr. Cox: Perry?
- J.D.: Yeah, I'm tryin' it out. I find that with the ladies, if you're clear with you're intentions right off the bat, they just fall into place. AQ?
- Dr. Cox: What?
- J.D.: AQ is sort of a new hit expression meaning "any questions"?
- Dr. Cox: Look, don't think I'm impressed because you managed to score a sympathy date with whatever homely-looking girl is managing the gift shop right now.
- Lisa: [comes from behind and Dr. Cox is left speechless on seeing her] JD, you ready to go?
- J.D.: Oh, yeah, the word you're looking for is 'wow' and the words I'm looking for are in your face.
- [while leaving]
- J.D.: PO, peace out.
- J.D.: Morning, Dr. Cox!
- Dr. Cox: He he, Denise, I know it's morning, if it was still last night I'd still be with my extremely pregnant ex wife trying to calm her down with a chair and a whip because I somehow managed to forget to bring home *the curly fries*. Do ya see where I'm going here? Yes? no? Maybe so?
- [whistles]
- Dr. Bob Kelso: [enters the on-call room and finds Elliot in her PJs, lying on one of the beds] Dr Reid? What are you doing in here?
- Dr. Elliot Reid: [covers herself in haste] Uhm... Sir, hi, Dr Kelso. I was just... uhm... I... uhm... I was on call.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Well, I have the call sheet right here and your name doesn't seem to be on it... But what do I know? I'm just a kindly old man who doesn't know the difference between a doctor on call and one who maybe just needs a warm bed for the night.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Oh, I've just been so swamped with work I couldn't even make time to find a new place.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: I understand. Life is hard and all that... But, if you want a bed in my hospital you better have a damn rent check or a massive coronary in the next five seconds! And believe me, missy... either one's fine with me.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Thank you, sir...?
- Dr. Bob Kelso: No problem.
- J.D.: [narrating to himself] You never expect a cliche to be an actual conversation starter.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Women... huh?
- Dr. Cox: Tell me about it...
- J.D.: It's like they're from another planet!
- Dr. Cox: OK... I'm going to engage you two in a conversation you will speak of it to no one. Agreed?
- J.D.: OK.
- Dr. Cox: It has gotten to the point where I'm starting to go back in my head over all my old relationships. I mean, don't get me wrong; I'm not like I'm going to sit here and count up all the women I've ever slept with...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: 12
- J.D.: 9
- Dr. Cox: ...18. But not one of them ever really understood me.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: I'm feeling you, man. I consider myself a really romantic guy who's a little stressed out; and I thought the one person who'd understand that would be Carla.
- Dr. Cox: The weird thing is that I'm actually trying this time.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: I just wonder if I'm what she really wants...
- Dr. Cox: I just wonder if I'll ever be able to make it work out with anyone...
- J.D.: My peep's on the fritz...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Dude!
- [laughs]
- Dr. Cox: [loughs too] Poor Newbie...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [continuing to laugh] Oh, oh, oh...
- J.D.: [Embarassed] No, no, no, no, no, no! No! I'm talking about you, guys! Y... You guys... you guys are, like, my peeps, my dogs... and... you're on the fritz, so... that's where I get "peeps"... "fritz" came from...
- Dr. Cox: God love you, Newbie...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [whistles]
- Dr. Cox: Thank you for... giving me some prospective.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Huh! I put all those fliers up, and nobody wants me to live with them!
- J.D.: Oh, come on, Elliot. I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a
- [reading]
- J.D.: clean, non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Oh, well, if you don't, it gets mildewy.
- [Dr. Cox and his pregnant ex-wife are walking down a hospital hallway.]
- Dr. Cox: Y'know, Jordan, I have to tell you, despite how crazy hormonal you are, there is something about a pregnant woman that's almost... spiritual.
- Jordan Sullivan: Really?
- Dr. Cox: Honestly, you...
- Jordan Sullivan: Uh huh?
- Dr. Cox: You've never looked so beautiful.
- Jordan Sullivan: It's the giant boobs, isn't it?
- Dr. Cox: Well, have you *seen* them lately?
- Jordan Sullivan: Yes... relax.
- J.D.: So, it appears Mrs. Watson has developed a post-op infection at her thyroidectomy site.
- [pokes Mrs. Watson's neck]
- Mrs. Watson: Ow!
- Dr. Cox: Newbie, when a patient has an infection, I make it a general policy not to actually push on it. Just start Ansef one gram Q 8 hours, and, oh, my god, did I just ask my ex-wife to move in with me?
- J.D.: [sassily] Mm-hmm.
- Nurse Roberts: [looks at JD questioningly]
- J.D.: What? You don't own that.
- Dr. Cox: Oh...