- Walter Matthau: [about the Not Ready for Primetime Players] When they didn't laugh at my jokes I figured, because I'm not a dummy, I mean, I figured there were three possibilities. One: they don't understand the jokes, two: they heard the jokes before or three: they didn't think the joke's were funny. Now, none of these things make any sense: they're too smart to not understand the jokes, they're too young to have heard the jokes before and they're not paying me enough to think the jokes were not funny.
- Richard Nixon: I got a million slogans. Look at this one: The New Dick. Isn't that nice? Short, sweet, and everyone wants to see.
- Pat Nixon: It's short and sweet but I don't think everybody wants to see it.