- Kevin Henson: Ted, I think this decision sends a clear and, ultimately, good message to all of us on Wall Street. And that is, uh, simply: Martha Stewart got what she deserved, because she's a huuuge bitch.
- Ted Koppel: I'm sorry?
- Kevin Henson: That's right. Martha Stewart is a big, giant bitch. And now she's gonna be a jail bitch. Yeah.
- Ted Koppel: Have you ever heard of a Blanket Party?
- Martha Stewart: Is that anything like a cookie swap?
- Ted Koppel: No. A Blanket Party is a prison term for throwing a blanket over a squealers head so he can't identify you when you beat him with a pipe.
- Martha Stewart: Oh. That. I've been doing that for years. I didn't know there was a name for it.
- Jimmy Fallon: There were few surprises at last Sunday's Academy Awards, with Sean Penn and Charlize Theron winning Best Acting Oscars as expected. However, there was an embarrassing breach of security, when a homeless man repeatedly wandered onstage.
- [picture insert shows Peter Jackson accepting one of his Oscars]
- Peter Jackson: Well... we must be off.
- Jimmy Fallon: You sure?
- Peter Jackson: Apparently, "The Return of the King" has just won a Coney Island hot dog eating competetion.