- Kyle DeMarco: Eminem, quite frankly, I don't care where you melt. I don't care if you melt in my mouth, or you melt in my hands, 'cause today you get the rude award.
- Eminem: Yo, honestly, I don't know what you guys are celebrating about. You need to, like, call yourselves the fruit patrol and arrest yourselves for being fruitcakes.
- Jack Handy: [My Big Thick Novel] Chapter 852: I tried to explain to little Betsy how when horses get old, you have to take them out and shoot them. But then I thought, Why not wait until she gets a horse?