- The Ladies Man: Now, although Julie is, eh, not as fat, and therefore not as sweet as Monica, but, uhm, I think you will agree she is no bus station skank, all right!
- Weekend Update Anchor: Billy Crystal's My Giant was released on video for the first time this week at a price of a hundred dollars. Though the cost may seem high, the money will go to reimburse people who paid to see it in the theater.
- Weekend Update Anchor: The popular '70s band KISS is planning to reunite for a concert at Dodger Stadium. They will be giving away the KISSmobile, a car equipped with KISS floormats, embroidered seat inserts, and KISS hubcaps. This car is going to be worth a lot of money 20 years ago.