- [Celebrity Jeopardy]
- Alex Trebek: Mr. Brando chose to speak to a puppet in lieu of participating. Maybe the puppet wrote down an answer.
- [Shows answer]
- Alex Trebek: You wrote "poop". This must be a proud moment for you, Mr. Brando.
- Weekend Update Anchor: In other music news, Paul McCartney will take part in his first live online chat, May the 17th and a record two-and-a-half million calls have already come in from people hoping to have an actual moment of contact with the former Beatle. Although it should be noted that two million of those calls came from Ringo Starr.
- Weekend Update Anchor: In Washington, D.C., public school officials are asking parents to help pay for needed equipment such as a new state-of-the-art surveillance system that one area school has requested. According to the school's principal, the new system will help him monitor cheerleaders that he claims like to vandalize school property while showering...