- Norm MacDonald: And in music news, number one on the college charts this summer was 'Better than Ezra'. And at number two: 'Ezra'.
- Norm MacDonald: Well, the trial of the century is over. Late yesterday the fate of O.J. Simpson, the most famous murder suspect in United States history was placed in the hands of the jurors. They must now decide whether to free him or get all their heads cut off.
- Norm MacDonald: In a brilliant move during closing arguments, Simpson attorney Johnnie Cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say O.J. wore the night he committed the murders. Although O.J. may have hurt his case when he suddenly blurted out 'Hey, hey, easy with that, that's my lucky stabbing hat!'
- Elizabeth Berkeley: What are you saying? Did you ever sleep with one of your leading men?
- Debbie Reynolds: One of 'em? Try both of 'em. Singing In the Rain, 1952. Honey I was the lunch meat in the Gene Kelly, Donald O'Conner sandwhich.