- Wet spectator: I'll tell you what, they shouldn't call this place Sea Park, they should call it Bacteria Splash, 'cause you get bacteria and then you splash...
- [calms down somewhat]
- Wet spectator: You, you know what, they should just keep calling it Sea Park, what the hey, it seems like a good name and it's working for 'em.
- Weekend Update Anchor: New medical research shows that men and women have different food cravings, men preferring meat and women preferring sweets. Scientists trace this back to caveman days, when men had to go out and hunt for food while women sat on their fat asses eating chocolates.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Was O.J. Simpson high on speed the night of the murders? "Absolutely not," said Defense Attorney Johnny Cochran today, "and a simple test of any of O.J.'s blood found at the crime scene will prove it."