- Johnny Carson: I'm sorry, there I go again, but what the hell, I'm sorry, I just don't see, eh... I don't see people tuning in for Jay Leno.
- Ed McMahon: No, sir.
- Johnny Carson: I mean, eh, he's got that... sort of a weird face, kind of unattractive.
- Ed McMahon: Lantern Jawed freak, yes.
- Johnny Carson: I mean eh, that jaw just seems to go on forever, doesn't it?
- Ed McMahon: Dick Tracy villain, yes.
- Johnny Carson: That's right.
- Weekend Update Anchor: In the wake of Soviet reform, Russia's Leningrad officially changed it's name back to St. Petersburg. Thousands of college students are expected to flock there for Spring Break. In a related story, Florida's St. Petersburg has changed it's name to Leningrad. Local residents are anticipating long lines this winter.