- John McLaughlin: Issue seven: how do we start the show? Patty-cake!
- Pat Buchanan: "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night?"
- John McLaughlin: El Clifto!
- Eleonor Clift: "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night?"
- John McLaughlin: More-tons-of-fun!
- Morton Kondracke: Well, I think it's "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night."
- John McLaughlin: Wrong! The correct answer is: "Show-show-show, here we go!"
- Michael Corleone: In the last five years my family has become almost totally legitimate. We sold our gambling operations on Neptune, shot down our loan-sharking rackets on the moons of Saturn, we're out of every illicit operation except for the record industry.
- Mr. Spock: My attempt to discuss family business while you were having a flashback, was most illogical.
- Sinead O'Connor: Now we come to the most important award of the evening. The award for the person who best represents everything that I despise about the music industry. With all the hunger and suffering in the world, the winner of this award is gonna hava a hard time lookin' in the mirror... And the nominees are:
- Paul McCartney: Phil Collins...
- Sinead O'Connor: Wilson Phillips.
- Paul McCartney: The Nelsons...
- Sinead O'Connor: And Frank Sinatra.