- Garry Shandling: I met a new girl at a barbecue, actually, a very pretty girl. Eh, blonde, I think. I'm not sure, her hair was on fire. And... and all she talked about was herself. You know those kind of girls? You know, "I'm hot. I'm on fire!" You know. "Me, me me!" You know. "Help me! Put me out!"
- Woman standing in line: How long will it be before a table opens up?
- Doorman: Oh, two or three days. I suggest you try The Limelight, The Tunnel or Nell's.
- Woman standing in line: I am Nell!
- Doorman: I don't care who you are, the Teeny Café is packed!
- Garry Shandling: In fact, eh, just a few weeks ago I made love to a woman for an hour and fifteen minutes. And, eh well, thank you.
- [audience applaudes]
- Garry Shandling: Well, it was, eh, it was on the day you push the clocks ahead, but... that still counts.