- Salem Saberhagen: Zelda, you'll never guess who called. I'll give you a hint. Shelly.
- Zelda Spellman: Shelly? Your ex-girlfriend? The one who left you?
- Salem Saberhagen: She didn't leave me! She just needed some time by herself.
- Zelda Spellman: 2 decades?
- Salem Saberhagen: 3, but and I repeat but by the sound of her voice, I'd say she has crawling back on her mind.
- Zelda Spellman: I see. Did you happen to mention that you're a cat now?
- Salem Saberhagen: Is it that noticeable?
- Sabrina Spellman: It was so humiliating. He made me take the test in front of the whole class.
- Hilda Spellman: Like some sort of zoo monkey?
- Sabrina Spellman: Yeah.
- [with sign language]
- Sabrina Spellman: Co-Co hate teacher man.
- Hilda Spellman: You might want to try and deal with him the mortal way first.
- Sabrina Spellman: You mean tepee his house?
- Hilda Spellman: No. Talk to him.
- Mr. James T. Rothwell: Look, if it makes you feel better, you can blame this on me but I think we both know these problems start at home.
- Zelda Spellman: What problems?
- Mr. James T. Rothwell: Hey, if the kid can't master the quadratic equation that says to me, dysfunctional family.
- Zelda Spellman: We function just fine!
- Mr. James T. Rothwell: Tell it to her social worker.
- Salem Saberhagen: What do ya think? A red Lamborgini. This has to impress my ex-girlfriend Shelly.
- Hilda Spellman: Sure! Now all you have to do is lose the paws, the whiskers and the fur.
- Salem Saberhagen: Hey, so what if I'm a cat? This car says I've got it going on!
- Hilda Spellman: I bet that's our judge.
- Sabrina Spellman: In the refrigerator?
- Hilda Spellman: Yes. Witch judges take turns in the deep freeze to prevent media bias. For example, Judge Samuels has been in here since 1956.
- Sabrina Spellman: Wow! A man untouched by CNN.
- Sabrina Spellman: It's too early to tell but there is a chance that for the rest of my life I will fear math. I will sweat every time I have to calculate a tip. I will put off balancing my cheque-book. I will play blackjack but I will not understand it.
- Judge Samuels: If you understood it, you wouldn't play it.
- Mr. James T. Rothwell: Your honour, I'm not a baby-sitter. I'm paid to teach math and that is what I do. Yes, I could be more sensitive but let's face it. The world is full of people like me. People who chose favourites. People who don't accept excuses. People who are unfair. Well, life is unfair and I'm just helping my students to get used to that.
- Zelda Spellman: Well, whether he means to or not, he teaches a valuable lesson.
- Sabrina Spellman: Some people are just jerks?
- Hilda Spellman: Yes, but if you study hard and you don't let him get to you, you will pass algebra and then you can forget it. But he's trapped in
- Shelley: You're a cat?
- Salem Saberhagen: Technically.
- Shelley: Who's your friend?
- [whipping off Salem's friend's hat]
- Shelley: A mannequin! How long were you expecting this to fool me?
- Salem Saberhagen: Another 30 seconds.
- Sabrina Spellman: Don't worry, you'll be happy again soon.
- Salem Saberhagen: Please! Shelly was the love of my life. What would ever replace her in my heart?
- Sabrina Spellman: Maybe this'll help.
- Salem Saberhagen: A giant ball of yarn! Oh, this is the best ever!
- Sabrina Spellman: I thought you'd like it.
- Salem Saberhagen: Like it? I don't even remember her name!
- Sabrina Spellman: Well, in that problem the roots turn out to be round numbers but what if the roots turn out to be irrational?
- Mr. James T. Rothwell: Irrational? You mean like teenage girls? Just express those roots in radical form.