- Sabrina Spellman: Even if I knew what I wanted to wear, I couldn't pick it out of this mess. - It's full of kibble crumbs.
- Salem: Brush them in a pile. I'll eat them later.
- Zelda Spellman: Sabrina, you don't wanna rely on undo spells. It's not in the spirit of magic.
- Hilda Spellman: You really have to get it exactly right the first time. Otherwise, there may be side effects. I remember one time, I was making rum balls and I got tired, so I made a make-everything-round spell. Well, let's just say you can thank me for Columbus Day.
- Valerie Birkhead: But I gotta warn you, I haven't had much luck with jobs. When I was a camp counsellor, they fired me after two days.
- Sabrina Spellman: They didn't give you a chance. They didn't even get to know you.
- Valerie Birkhead: Yeah. And they eventually found those kids.
- Harvey Kinkle: I think this cold weather's giving me the flu.
- Sabrina Spellman: I told you to bundle up for math.
- Harvey Kinkle: Coach finally gives me a chance to start, and now this. I can hear my dad now, "Your nose runs faster than you do."
- Sabrina Spellman: Hi, how you been? I've been fine. Let's get this quiz over with.
- Quizmaster Albert: The fine art of conversation lives.
- Zelda Spellman: [to Hilda] Your room is decorated with stuff a clown takes out of his pockets at night.
- Zelda Spellman: This is Merlin's castle. We better get out of here.
- Hilda Spellman: Yeah. For a guy who wears a dress, he's a real misogynist.
- Merlin: Why don't you stay a while?
- Zelda Spellman: How long a while?
- Merlin: Until you love me again.
- Hilda Spellman: How about if I love you?
- Salem: Or me? I can be quite tender.
- Valerie Birkhead: [to Sabrina] Look at that. I gave myself two minutes to dismiss you, and it only took one.
- Sabrina Spellman: You look like you haven't slept in days.
- Valerie Birkhead: If I sleep, I won't have time to bake or learn opera.
- Sabrina Spellman: Can we talk?
- Valerie Birkhead: No. Friendship is inefficient use of time.
- Salem: And I learned a valuable lesson. Whenever there's a crisis, I can depend on you guys to turn on me.
- Salem: Attica! Attica! Attica!
- Zelda Spellman: Please, I'm trying to concentrate on a new escape plan.
- Salem: Well, why don't you try coming up with some decorating ideas for this cell, because we're never leaving?
- Hilda Spellman: I've got it, the perfect escape plan. It's so simple. I can't believe I haven't thought of it before.
- Zelda Spellman: What is it?
- Hilda Spellman: You marry Merlin.
- Zelda Spellman: What do you think about painting these bars Navajo White?
- Sabrina Spellman: I'd love to undo it, but... If you can undo this, I can undo that.
- Zelda Spellman: We can't undo that. There's no undoing a no-can-undo. It's a triple negative. It's magically ungrammatical.
- Zelda Spellman: Maybe if we're nice to Merlin, he'll feel sorry for us and let us go. So let's not antagonise him.
- Hilda Spellman: Good plan. Dead magician walking.
- Merlin: How is everyone? Got everything you need?
- Salem: No, no, we're fine. Now that I think about it, I could use a little freedom.
- Merlin: So have you decided to love me again?
- Zelda Spellman: I'd rather lick a dead seal.
- Hilda Spellman: Am I the only one who remembers the plan?
- Merlin: Excuse me...
- Hilda Spellman: Oh, shut up, conehead. It can't be done.
- Mrs. Popowski: If you have any problems, my office is always open. It's between the fryer and the wall.
- Sabrina Spellman: Mrs. Popowski, there's a mistake on my nametag. My name is Sabrina, not Salinas.
- Mrs. Popowski: Live with it.
- Valerie Birkhead: Yeah, and my name is Valerie, not Fred.
- Mrs. Popowski: When I said problems, I meant things like: My hand is caught in the meatball maker.
- Sabrina Spellman: So how'd the game go?
- Harvey Kinkle: Great. I caught a pass. And if it had been inbounds, it would've been great.