- Harvey Kinkle: I can tell her right now. I'll never be able to dig up that much cash.
- Sabrina Spellman: Me neither. Plus I can't ask my aunts, they're on a "teach her the value of a dollar" kick.
- Harvey Kinkle: What made them do that?
- Sabrina Spellman: I went on a "blow my allowance on dumb stuff" kick.
- Salem Saberhagen: I don't believe it. I just had my credit card yanked.
- Sabrina Spellman: You have a credit card?
- Salem Saberhagen: Yes. I was pre-approved by the good people of the Bank of Newark. Now I'm a little over-extended.
- Sabrina Spellman: I'm sorry to hear that.
- Salem Saberhagen: I appreciate your concern.
- Sabrina Spellman: No, I was gonna hit you up for a loan.
- Dirk: Say, I saw you talking to a FedEx guy the other day. Is there something I should know about?
- Zelda Spellman: He was just dropping off a package.
- Dirk: Yeah, I don't trust those guys. You know, it's not natural for mail to move that fast.
- Zelda Spellman: I agree.
- Hilda Spellman: He has really got it bad for you.
- Zelda Spellman: I wish there was some gentle way to let him down.
- Hilda Spellman: I know what you need. I just saw an ad for it in Modern Witch. It's a new perfume that repels love. Here it is. "Somewhere between disdain and contempt lies Revulsion."
- Zelda Spellman: Revulsion? Hmm. "Available at Full Moon Beauty Supply."
- Hilda Spellman: Let's go.
- Zelda Spellman: We can't. Full Moon Beauty Supply is only open once a month.
- Hilda Spellman: When?
- Zelda Spellman: During the full moon.
- Hilda Spellman: I knew that.
- Sabrina Spellman: A cat show? I can't see you in a cat show.
- Salem Saberhagen: Don't you think I'm pretty?
- Sabrina Spellman: Of course.
- Salem Saberhagen: Then get an application. This is our chance for a quick score.
- Sabrina Spellman: All right. Okay, name, Salem Spellman.
- Salem Saberhagen: May I remind you I'm your cat, not your pet. I have my own last name.
- Sabrina Spellman: You do?
- Salem Saberhagen: Saberhagen. Salem Saberhagen.
- Sabrina Spellman: And what breed are you?
- Salem Saberhagen: American Shorthair. And darn proud of it. Write that down. The judges will eat that up.
- Salem Saberhagen: Look at all these losers.
- Sabrina Spellman: Hey, you better behave yourself.
- Salem Saberhagen: I will.
- Sabrina Spellman: You always say that, but... If people see me talking to my cat, they'll think I'm nuts.
- Salem Saberhagen: Look around.
- Haley: [to her cat] Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
- Andrew: [to his cat] You wanna be a winner, think like a winner.
- Sabrina Spellman: Okay, we can talk all we want.
- Sabrina Spellman: [Bob Gordon is inspecting Salem] What is he looking for?
- Harvey Kinkle: To see if it's a boy or a girl?
- Bob Gordon: This cat has excellent bone structure, a lovely coat, and a somewhat bemused expression. This is one of my top three American short hairs.
- Bob Gordon: What can you tell me about Salem's temperament?
- Sabrina Spellman: Well, he's very friendly, very focused, and just a little power mad.
- Bob Gordon: Sounds like he's all cat.
- Sabrina Spellman: Right. And he's got a real head for numbers. May I demonstrate? Ask him a simple multiplication question.
- Bob Gordon: Okay. Salem, uh, what's seven times five?
- [Salem places his paw on the three and on the five on a board]
- Bob Gordon: Amazing. Although we do judge purely on appearance.
- Sabrina Spellman: Isn't that life.
- Hilda Spellman: Oh, what's this?
- Daphne: Oh, this is a magic mirror that shows you at your best.
- Hilda Spellman: [reading] "The make-over mirror. It's a nice reflection on you."
- Daphne: Try it.
- Hilda Spellman: I'm ravishing. I have to have it.
- Daphne: Oh, here, buy two. One for each of you.
- Zelda Spellman: No. Hilda, you can't buy self-esteem.
- Hilda Spellman: Yes, I can, and it's on sale.
- Sabrina Spellman: You don't have to hide the fact that you're...
- Bob Gordon: Don't say it.
- Sabrina Spellman: Bald.
- Bob Gordon: Shh! You have no idea what this means. It could destroy my career.
- Sabrina Spellman: How? Aren't honesty and integrity the most important things to a journalist?
- Bob Gordon: Not in this decade. People like people with hair. They've done studies. The public hasn't trusted a bald man since Eisenhower.
- Sabrina Spellman: You didn't miss anything, except confirmation we live in a rotten, crooked, corrupt, stinking world.
- Sabrina Spellman: Mr. Gordon thought he needed this to gain people's trust. But trust should not depend on fake hair. Trust should depend on real knowledge, integrity, and accurate reporting.
- Hilda Spellman: Sabrina, he's on TV news.
- Salem Saberhagen: Sabrina, where are you?
- Sabrina Spellman: [as a cat] Next to you. In a cage.
- Salem Saberhagen: Salem, this is awful. If I can't point, I can't turn myself back. What was that?
- Salem Saberhagen: What?
- Sabrina Spellman: There's something in here with me.
- Salem Saberhagen: What?
- Sabrina Spellman: Oh, it's just my tail.
- Zelda Spellman: [holding Sabrina as a cat] Is this the cat you're looking for?
- Bob Gordon: Why yes, what's her name?
- Zelda Spellman: Sabrina.
- Harvey Kinkle: [to Hilda] She named her cat Sabrina? Doesn't that get confusing around the house?
- Hilda Spellman: Oh, it's a pretty confusing place in general.
- Zelda Spellman: [referring to Sabrina as a cat] No, Harvey, she's not for sale.
- Harvey Kinkle: Are you sure? She's the sweetest, most beautiful cat I've ever held.