- Salem Saberhagen: You know I always get depressed this time of year.
- Hilda Spellman: Why?
- Salem Saberhagen: Well, for one thing, I'M A CAT!
- Sabrina Spellman: You were reading my diary again!
- Salem Saberhagen: Yes and it's duller than dish water...
- Sabrina Spellman: I've gotta meet Harvey at The Slicery but now I've gotta change thanks to you.
- Salem Saberhagen: Er, since you thanked me, can I ask a favour?
- Sabrina Spellman: Excuse me, cat? You want a favour?
- Salem Saberhagen: Yeah. Can I tag along to The Slicery? I've got a touch of cabin fever and I'd really like to... .
- Sabrina Spellman: [interrupting] Are you insane? I wouldn't bring you to The Slicery if you were the last person slash cat on Earth.
- Salem Saberhagen: Man, what's her problem?
- Hilda Spellman: You are so self-centred, even for a cat.
- Harvey Kinkle: It's good for me to read 'Sports Illustrated' Now I'll have something to talk about with my dad during church.
- Harvey Kinkle: Wow! A scarf, it's great.
- Sabrina Spellman: I made it myself.
- Harvey Kinkle: You knit?
- Sabrina Spellman: ...I made it myself.
- Sabrina Spellman: You got me kicked out of The Slicery, the one place I had a little privacy.
- Salem Saberhagen: Don't talk to me about privacy! I'm the one who has to relieve himself in a box in the middle of the kitchen. D'you know how hard it is to get that far away stare going?
- Sabrina Spellman: Oh, like anyone's watching.
- Hilda Spellman: Oh, and this is Salem's oldest and dearest friend, Newt.
- Newt: Oldest and dearest friend my tail. You know it's Salem's fault that I'm a salamander in the first place.
- Zelda Spellman: Newt was into Salem's scheme for world domination.
- Hilda Spellman: Way into it.
- Newt: Yeah, he promised me Denmark.
- Zelda Spellman: You left him outside? You know he's a house pet.
- Sabrina Spellman: He'll be fine. Salem's the only cat in town that can call a cab.
- Monty: [referring to Salem's being kidnapped] What does he want? I'll pay whatever it is.
- Sabrina Spellman: He doesn't want money, he want's Salem.
- Monty: But remember, I offered.
- Sabrina Spellman: Can we focus? Okay, we have five witches and a newt, we should be able to do something?
- Hilda Spellman: I've got it. We all hide inside a giant wooden horse.
- Zelda Spellman: Hmm, that worked so well the last time.
- Sabrina Spellman: So where's my present?
- Salem Saberhagen: It's more of a promise than a present.
- Sabrina Spellman: No present?
- Salem Saberhagen: Wait, you'll like it. I promise to appreciate you and respect your privacy.
- Sabrina Spellman: From now on?
- Salem Saberhagen: Er, no, for like a week.
- Sabrina Spellman: That's it?
- Salem Saberhagen: Okay, 10 days but that's my final offer.
- Sabrina Spellman: Deal!
- Hilda Spellman: [Salem ignoring gifts and playing with the colourful wrapping paper] You know next year I don't think I'll even bother to buy him a gift.
- Salem Saberhagen: This is good, this is so good. Oh, the wrapping, greens and reds and ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! It's the best Christmas ever and it's great to be home. Ho-oo, yes! Yes! Yes!
- Sabrina Spellman: I think he likes my paper best.
- Coolio: So, erm, well, are you guys um coming to the concert?
- Salem Saberhagen: It says it's sold out, can you get me tickets?
- Coolio: Sorry, I'm just an alley poster, try a bill board.
- Hilda Spellman: Ooh, a hot mulled cider!
- Zelda Spellman: Want some?
- Hilda Spellman: Let me mull it over.