- Fred: I suggest we split up. Shaggy and Scooby, you check the campground. Velma, you check the woods. Daphne and I will check out the bunkhouse and have some of that nice sex until you get back.
- Phyllis Diller: Sex? You? With her? But with that dickey, you couldn't even bag an old bag like me!
- [laughs]
- Fred: [Fred smacks Phyllis] It's an ascot, you old whore! An ascot!
- Phyllis Diller: [Phyllis punches out Fred] Well, your ass got laid out by this old whore, dickey!
- Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Man, this place gives me like the heebie jeebies!
- Scooby Doo: Ruh-huh!
- [Shaggy opens up a cubbard door, revealing a box of Scooby Snacks]
- Scooby Doo: Rooby Snack!
- Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Yeah!
- [laughs and starts munching away on Scooby Snacks]
- Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers: Man... I am one sad, dog food eating hippie!
- Velma: The virgin always lives the longest in these films. Man! My life sucks!
- Don Knotts: You think youre life sucks? One of my apartment tenants might be a flaming homo!... And that's not all, somebody just killed me!
- [falls down dead]
- Samara Morgan: I like trees and dolls and ponies, if they don't keep me up at night, long walks by the cliffs, and nice Catholic men. Hope to meet you soon!
- [disappears]
- Video Dater: I think I just shat out my heart! I wonder if she puts out.