- Franco Rivera: You don't do that, Sean. You don't bang a guy's girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife or his sister without his permission. And I mean crystal-goddamn-clear permission.
- Tommy Gavin: [answering the phone] Yeah?
- Johnny Gavin: Bad news.
- Tommy Gavin: Jennifer Aniston is a dyke.
- Johnny Gavin: No. Dad's gone.
- Chief Jerry Reilly: Hey, Franco.
- [Franco walks past him]
- Chief Jerry Reilly: What's up with him? Is he okay?
- Sean Garrity: Like I give a shit.
- Chief Jerry Reilly: I leave for two days and the whole joint goes into the crapper.
- Tommy Gavin: [to Janet] Did you even know she was going to the city with the Murphy kid that night, let alone joyriding around Manhattan with him? And I'll bet my left nut that that kid's on drugs. Did you hear what I said? I said my left nut, which just happens to be my favorite nut.
- Keela: Oh, yeah. We're gonna have to move to a new apartment too.
- Franco Rivera: Why?
- Keela: I want my own room, a princess bed, and lots of toys and a TV.
- Franco Rivera: Oh. Anything else?
- Sean Garrity: [to Franco] Hey, how's it going with Keela? Is it working out?
- Franco Rivera: Uh, I wouldn't know. I dropped her off at Family Services this morning.
- Sean Garrity: What's that, like a daycare thing?
- Franco Rivera: No, it's like an adoption thing.
- Sean Garrity: Asshole.