- Andra: [the scene is within Rabs local pub where's he's having a drink with his pals. Rab however is not drinking alcohol under protest of Norrie's management as he's just put in a new high tech machine] A virtual reality simulator. Is that what high tech armchair is over there?
- Dodie: Aye. We thought a disabled guy must have parked it there till he used the lavvie.
- Norrie: You's can laugh. But these machines are all the go. They can recreate any human experience. No matter how wild... or dangerous.
- Reality Machine Man: That's it ready. Who's first for blast off?
- Andra: Me, me. I'll go first!
- Rab C. Nesbitt: [to Audience] Look at 'em. Magic, eh? Designed by NASA to train astronauts. Finishes up as a toy for dick brains in a pub in Govan. One small step for man, you know.
- Rab C. Nesbitt: [Looks at Gash. To the audience] By Christ, look at that fizzer, eh? Like an A to Z of the human psyche. Seventeen year old and he's so anally retentive he's still shiting rusks. The human frame bared to the nerve. But underneath it all... underneath it all... the notion of some infinitely gentle, infinitely suffering thing.
- Gash Nesbitt: [Looking at Rab] Whit you gawping at ya big ugly bastard!
- Peter The Warlock: [to Rab] Now if you'll excuse me I have a unicorn to sacrifice and a virgin to deflower.
- [Stops on his way out to address three of the guys in the pub]
- Peter The Warlock: See you's.
- Dodie: He must be a warlock right enough to huv found a unicorn in Govan.
- Jamesie Cotter: He must be Sherlock Holmes to huv found a virgin.
- Rab C. Nesbitt: When you get right down tae it, there's only birth, copulation and death. Everything else is pure bloody guesswork!
- Rab C. Nesbitt: You see that yin, see that yin. He is a Christian in reverse. He turns the wine in tae watta.