- Keely Teslow: Phil, I don't care if you're from the future. Or from Kansas, or some nutjob from Nutsville. It doesn't matter to me. Whatever secrets you have, they're safe with me.
- Phil Diffy: [pauses] Thank you. That really means a lot to me. It... it means a lot to us.
- Lloyd Diffy: Phil, it looks like your new friend might want a ride home.
- [throws a future device to him. Phil looks at it, then at Keely, then at his parents]
- Phil Diffy: Really?
- Barbara Diffy: Be careful.
- [Phil throws it to the ground, where it transforms into a future vehicle]
- Keely Teslow: Oh, my gosh, Phil! You really are from the future!
- Phil Diffy: It's a Skyac. Hop on.
- Barbara Diffy: [putting a carrot to where her pinkie toe should be] Hello! I am a useless pinkie toe! Some day you will be born without me!
- Pim Diffy: [to Debbie] Let me guess what's going on here. Hot coffee, sports section, standing outside Mr. Hackett's office. You're either a: loopy, B: the world's biggest, kiss-up, or C: a combo platter.
- Debbie Berwick: Oh, my gosh! Pim, Mr. Hackett is sick and needs an operation. You know what this calls for? A fundraiser!
- Pim Diffy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Every time someone needs help, you're all, "I'll help you," and I'm all "Get over it," and you're all, "To the fundraising mobile!"
- Keely Teslow: Phil, you know what this is?
- Phil Diffy: It's a flute.
- Keely Teslow: No, it's a musical spit catcher.
- Phil Diffy: Nice.
- Keely Teslow: [to Phil] Sometimes I dream I'm married to Mr. Potato-Head and we live in a two-bedroom condo in Boca Raton, Florida.
- Phil Diffy: What?
- Keely Teslow: And I want to be a doctor, but he wants me to stay home and take care of our five spuds.
- Phil Diffy: So, why are you telling me this?
- Keely Teslow: Because it's my deepest, darkest secret. And because I know what's going on.
- Keely Teslow: [to Phil] You spent the last three days lying and acting all weird and throwing tomatoes at me just because of a pinky toe?
- Phil Diffy: It does feel kinda good toe get my toe off my chest.
- Keely Teslow: [chuckles] Phil, you're my best friend. Just promise me no more secrets. You and I are on a 100% honesty pact, deal?
- Phil Diffy: Deal. Wait. Uh, there's one more thing.
- Keely Teslow: What is it? Don't worry.
- Phil Diffy: [sighs] The reason I have four toes is because where I'm from, everyone does. I grew up over 100 years from now. I'm from the future.
- Debbie Berwick: [When Pim and Debbie walk into Mr. Hackett's office and find him wearing a wig] Excuse us, Mr. Hackett, but we wanted to wish you good luck on... what is growing out of your head?
- Pim Diffy: Wait a minute. That's your operation? I busted my hump so you could get a wig?
- Mr. Hackett: It's not a wig. It's the Lorenzo Lamas.
- Debbie Berwick: Uh, no disrespect, Mr. Hackett, but I'm going to have to give my money to a needier charity.
- Pim Diffy: Yeah, ditto. I'm giving mine to the "Pim Diffy needs a high-definition TV" foundation. You disgust me.