The Office (TV Series)

The Alliance (2005)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Quotes 

• Dwight Schrute : Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.

• Jim Halpert : At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me.

  Dwight Schrute : [next scene]  Did you get your tickets?

  Jim Halpert : To what?

  Dwight Schrute : The gun show.

  [lifts up his sleeve and kisses his arm] 

  Jim Halpert : [back to interview]  And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him but only in ways that would get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says, "No, Jim, here's a way."

• Jim Halpert : You are not going to believe this.

  Dwight Schrute : What? I believe it.

  Jim Halpert : Well, tensions were high in the kitchen.

  Dwight Schrute : I could tell from the body language.

  Jim Halpert : [in the kitchen]  That looks good. What is it? Turkey?

  Kevin : Italian.

  Jim Halpert : Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! You got the works there. Red onion. Provolone...

  Kevin : Yeah.

  [back outside] 

  Jim Halpert : Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off.

  Dwight Schrute : Good. Let 'em. That's fine. It helps our cause.

  Jim Halpert : Well, I don't know, because if Kevin's in Accounting and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking...

  Dwight Schrute : They're forming an alliance.

  Toby : [back in kitchen]  I love their sandwiches.

  Jim Halpert : I love their sandwiches too.

  Kevin : Their bread's really good.

  Jim Halpert : Their bread is very good.

  Dwight Schrute : [back outside]  Damn it. God. Gah!

  [kicks car and car alarm sounds] 

  Jim Halpert : Okay, listen. We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off.

  Dwight Schrute : God damn it! Why us?

  Jim Halpert : Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong!

• Dwight Schrute : I'm a deer hunter, I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer? They have very good vision. One thing about me? I'm better at hiding than they are at vision.

• Dwight Schrute : It's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information is passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos, which puts me at a disadvantage because...

  [picks up water bottle] 

  Dwight Schrute : I bring my own water to work.

• Michael Scott : I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside.

  Dwight Schrute : She had a hysterectomy.

  Michael Scott : Which one is that again?

  Dwight Schrute : That's when they remove the uterus.

  Michael Scott : Oh, God! Dwight, no.

• Dwight Schrute : So, what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?