- [after the staff reads Dan's death threat, a bum walks into Harry's office, reaching into his coat]
- Tony Giuliano: I'm looking for Fielding...
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: IT'S HIM, HE'S GOT A GUN!
- [He dives behind Harry's couch while Christine sprays the bum in the eyes]
- Christine Sullivan: Eat mace, bozo!
- Tony Giuliano: Ah, geez, lady, I'm a cop!
- [shows his badge]
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: You must be Detective Giuliano. I'm Judge Stone, the lump behind the couch is Dan Fielding. Of course you already met the lovely Christine Sullivan.
- Tony Giuliano: [still blinking off the mace] Charmed.
- Christine Sullivan: Well, what was I supposed to think? You have... doggie doo on your shoes.
- Tony Giuliano: I'm undercover, I put it there!
- Christine Sullivan: [Dan disguised as a nun walks past Christine] Sister?
- [Dan crouches to the floor]
- Christine Sullivan: Sister please, I have a confession to make of a personal nature.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [Speaks in a high-pitched voice] Oh, well, why don't we come sit down over here, my child.
- [They sit on a bench seat]
- Christine Sullivan: Thank you, sister. Oh, I'm ashamed to say that I have just had an impulsive carnal liaison with a man.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Whoo! Yes, well, my child, tell me, all about it.
- Christine Sullivan: Well, the worst part is I was weak when a friend's life was in danger.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Yes, tut-tut, now, about this liaison, um, I need details for true forgiveness.
- Christine Sullivan: I don't know where to start.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Were you naked?
- Christine Sullivan: No! No. We just kissed.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Oh, I see, my child. Did he stick his tongue down your throat?
- Christine Sullivan: [Perplexed at the question, looks toward Dan] What?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [Christine continues looking] Did he make balloon animals out of your panties?
- Christine Sullivan: [Pulls back one side of the black veil] Dan! Dan Fielding, you big pervert!
- [starts whaling on Dan and walks away]
- [Dan receives what he thinks is a love letter from an anonymous female admirer]
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Want to hear it?
- Everyone: No.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Okay!
- [reading in an exaggerated French accent]
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: "Dear Dan... I want *you*. I dream about *you*. There isn't a day goes by that I don't want you... dead!"
- [He stops reading and goggles at the letter. Harry takes it and finishes reading]
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: "You die today, Pigface. Signed, The Prince of Death."
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: [filming the scene through a video camera] HA-HA-HA-HA! And you guys thought this wouldn't be exciting!
- Tony Giuliano: [reading Dan's death threat] "Dear Dan... die, Pigface." Yep, sounds like our boy all right. Ex-con by the name of Norman Snite.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Norman Snite? No wonder he calls himself the Prince of Death.
- Tony Giuliano: Yeah, he came through your courtroom about three months ago.
- [Harry, Christine, and Dan shrug blankly]
- Tony Giuliano: Attempted murder?
- [Another blank shrug]
- Tony Giuliano: Enormous buck-teeth?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding, Christine Sullivan, Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Oh, *that* Norman Snite!
- Tony Giuliano: Yeah, well, it seems he's very sensitive about those teeth.
- [to Dan]
- Tony Giuliano: Is it possible you might have made some comment that could be construed as inconsiderate or insensitive?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [fakes a laugh] Well, I don't know, *maybe* I said something he misinterpreted...
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Such as, "Snite, you're lucky you haven't been shot for the ivory"?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: And Mr. Thin Skin takes it the wrong way!
- Christine Sullivan: Well, what did you expect? All his life, people have been focusing only on his physical appearance, afraid to see the true person that hides inside.
- Tony Giuliano: Let me guess: you sleep with stuffed animals, right?
- Christine Sullivan: [shifts] I don't see what that has to do with anything.
- [after Tony explains why being a cop is so important to him]
- Christine Sullivan: ...Do you always put this much feeling into everything you do?
- Tony Giuliano: [chuckles] Hey, I'm Italian.
- [grows serious]
- Tony Giuliano: Besides... what's life without passion?
- Christine Sullivan: [whispers] Nothing.
- [They grab each other and kiss passionately]