- Dan Fielding: [Talking about his job with the escort service] I will have you know that I am very proud of what I have to offer as a companion. I am witty; I am charming; and I'm...
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Reasonably priced.
- Dan Fielding: I'm... on sale this month.
- Mac Robinson: You mean they wouldn't let her into this country?
- [Yakov shakes his head]
- Dan Fielding: It is common procedure to quarantine livestock before entry.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: [Harry gives Dan a harsh look] Mr. Fielding
- [Dan holds up the picture of Sonja behind Yakov's head, Harry sighs]
- Judge Harry T. Stone: Sustained.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: [as the Russian couple argue, Harry turns to Bull] What are they saying?
- Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Something in Russian Sir!
- Christine Sullivan: Okay. Okay I can say it now.
- [Trying to stifle laughter]
- Christine Sullivan: Dan... you look like... a big penguin.
- [laughs hysterically]
- Judge Harry T. Stone: [to Mac] She is to comedy, what Roy Rogers is... to comedy.
- Rebecca: Dan I want to sleep with you.
- Dan Fielding: [Covering up his shock with laughter] Couldn't we just get married?