- Fred: Cigarette?
- Bill McNeal: Yes, thank you.
- Fred: I wasn't offering you one.
- Bill McNeal: Then why did you say cigarette?
- Fred: I was talking to my friend, the cigarette. Cigarette, prepare to be smoked.
- Bill McNeal: What's your real name?
- Fred: Ullyses S. Grant, 18th President of the United States.
- Bill McNeal: You're not president.
- Fred: Well, obviously. It's just my name, not my job.
- Dave Nelson: Bill, these people are insane.
- Bill McNeal: Oh, really? Then why did they elect me Prime Minister of Ward 15 this morning?
- Dave Nelson: Bill - come on. You cannot vacation in a mental ward; it's just not done.
- Fred: Don't be naive. That's what I'm doing.
- Bill McNeal: See? I'm not alone.
- Dave Nelson: Really?
- Fred: It's true. See, I have a very stressful job. All day long, it's just decisions, decision, decisions! So I come here to get away from it all.
- Dave Nelson: What do you do?
- Fred: I'm an air traffic controller. It gets very stressful, so every six months I flip out and put my my fist through a radar screen, and I get sent here.
- Bill McNeal: He means he pretends to flip out.
- Fred: No, I actually do flip out.
- Bill McNeal: [When Fred protests Bill's leaving the hospital] I'd love to stay, but without my constant supervision, the world goes to hell in a handbasket.
- Fred: It's your fault I lost my television privileges.
- Bill McNeal: I didn't force you to impersonate a doctor.
- Fred: But you sound just like the little voice inside my head.