- Narrator: "The Screaming Skull" is a motion picture that reaches its climax in shocking horror.
- Mike Nelson: ...But we cut that.
- Narrator: This climax is so terrifying that it may have an unforeseen effect. It may kill you.
- Tom Servo: If you watch it in front of a moving bus.
- Mike Nelson: How could they make a movie so damn boring?
- Tom Servo: You know, they weren't really expecting anybody to watch this, everybody was supposed to be necking by this time, so... Mike?
- [Tom and Crow lean towards Mike and make kissing noises at him]
- Mike Nelson: Hey! Stop that... Cut it out...
- Tom Servo: Might be fun...
- Mrs. Gumby: Such clever boys certainly deserve some crackers with their milk.
- Tom Servo: Crackers? Wow! Maybe they'll have white rice later!
- Mike Nelson: [as Jenny screams and runs away from the ghost] Oh, that gown was so tacky I'm actually frightened!
- Crow: [about the opening theme] Yep, when you think "shocking horror," you think German Oompah-Band music.
- Jenny: [Referring to the book she was reading] It's called "Beast in the Jungle"
- Tom Servo: [For Jenny] It's about what to expect on my honeymoon
- Mike Nelson: [For Eric, who's searching the bushes for the skull] Uh... I found a screaming hip bone if that help?