My Family (TV Series)

May the Best Man Win (2003)

Keiron Self: Roger Bailey

Quotes 

• Roger : So, who is this man who's driven you to 4.96% alcohol?

  Ben : Abi's father.

  Roger : [Gasps]  My future father-in-law.

  Ben : Roger, you've not even asked the girl out yet.

  Roger : I'm just waiting for the right moment.

  Ben : Yes. They'll be opening Pig Airport before it's the right moment.

• Ben : What are you doing?

  Roger : [Getting a tea bag out of a fish tank]  Making a cup of tea. Would you like one?

  Ben : Yes. Could I have mine in a cup?

• Roger : I wanted to make myself a cup of tea, but I didn't have any tea bags. Or milk. Or cups. Or a kettle. Or company. So, Ben, what's happening?

  Ben : You're leaving. I'm working. Goodbye.

• Ben : Don't tell me you're going to get married again?

  Richard : Not again. For the first time... in my heart.

  Roger : That is so beautiful!

  Ben : No, it is not! This man has charmed and manipulated his way in and out of everything in his life! And I, for one, am...

  Roger : Jealous?

• Roger : Don't worry, Ben! If things slow down, I've always got my balloon animals!

  [Pulls out a balloon] 

  Roger : Can you guess what this will become?

  Ben : A rectal thermometer!