My Family (TV Series)

Droit de Seigneur Ben (2000)

Peter Blythe: Lord Whitten

Quotes 

• Lord Whitten : Kind of your assistant to fit me in at such short notice.

  Ben : Mmmhmm.

  Lord Whitten : Very efficient young girl, there.

  Ben : Really? Did you give him novocaine or gas?

• Lord Whitten : You see, we've been up in London for this soiree thrown by the missus and I lost a filling in a devilled egg. Undoubtedly from a battery hen. They get depressed in cages, you see, and lay eggs like rocks. So, I call around for assistance and you came up highly recommended.

  Ben : Really? Well, it's always gratifying to be recognised in one's field.

  Lord Whitten : Yes - just around the corner and cheap!

  Ben : How very flattering...

• Lord Whitten : Just because I have a title, doesn't mean I'm made of money! Everyone always asking for something! Snivelling little vultures - do you know what I mean?

  Ben : I know what you mean - I've got three children!

• Brigitte McKay : Can I just say, Lord Whitten, that I was deeply, deeply moved by your pamphlet on the recycling of faecal waste?

  Lord Whitten : Really?

  Brigitte McKay : Yeah.

  Lord Whitten : Now, you see, *this* is the sort of girl my son should be meeting! Solid! Natural!

  Ben : Are we still talking faecal waste?

• Brigitte McKay : Mr Harper has a daughter!

  Ben : No, I don't!

  Brigitte McKay : Yes, you do! Janey's charming!

  Ben : You don't live with her!

  Lord Whitten : Is she a normal teenage girl?

  Ben : That's a contradiction in terms.

  Lord Whitten : No, no, no... I mean, I mean... er, d-does she have a pierced eyelid?

  Ben : No.

  Lord Whitten : Does she have nails in her neck?

  Ben : Er... not yet.

  Lord Whitten : And has she clipped her personal topiary into the shape of a duck?

  Ben : Erm... I just hope I never find out!