My Family (TV Series)
Age of Romance (2001)
Kris Marshall: Nick Harper
Quotes
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Susan Harper : [Talking to Nick about his older girlfriend] When a sophisticated woman like that goes out with a scre- with a young man like you, she's probably... I don't know how to put this delicately...
Janey Harper : ...just using you for sex.
Nick Harper : I know! It's great, innit?
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Ben Harper : What's he doing? I'm trying to concentrate.
Nick Harper : I'm moving in slow motion. I reckon I'll live longer this way.
Ben Harper : Don't count on it!
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Nick Harper : Hang on! Why didn't you tell me you were playing Scrabble?
Ben Harper : Because you cheat.
Nick Harper : Me?
Ben Harper : Yep. The last time you played, you put down seven blanks. There's only two blanks in a game of Scrabble. How do you explain that?
Nick Harper : Tipp-Ex!
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Nick Harper : [Commentating the Scrabble game with a Scottish accent] And here we have the aged veteran Ben Harper - oh, battling valiantly against the worst rack of letters I've seen in my life! He lines up another go... Oh, dear, he seems tense! I think I can detect a vein throbbing in his temple! He appears to be turning red!
Ben Harper : [Throws his tiles in frustration] That's it! I've had enough of this!
Susan Harper : Oh, where are you going? We're having family fun!
Michael Harper : You always do this when I'm winning!
Janey Harper : Thanks, Nick! I owe you!
Nick Harper : Yeah! £5, wasn't it?
[Janey pays him £5]
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Nick Harper : Yeah, I'll tell you what, it's days like these you just know something wonderful is going to happen!
Ben Harper : Yeah. What, like you're emigrating?
Nick Harper : Ahahaha! Your sarcastic barbs cannot wound me, father! For I wear the armour of love and the shield of amour!
Susan Harper : Has Nick got a new girlfriend?
Ben Harper : Either that or he's discovered Cartoon Network.
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Susan Harper : So, Nick, how long have you been seeing Amanda?
Nick Harper : Oh, well, let's think... I met her when I had that limo driving job.
Ben Harper : That would be Tuesday?
Nick Harper : Yep. We just clicked and now she can't get enough of me.
Ben Harper : Well, she can have my share!
Michael Harper : And mine!
Janey Harper : And mine!
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Nick Harper : [Introduces his much older girlfriend] Mum, dad, this is Amanda.
Ben Harper : Bloody hell... o!
Nick Harper : Well, have we but a world enough of time? Got to go! Catch you later!
Ben Harper : [to Amanda] You don't have to go through with this, you know?
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Susan Harper : Your father thinks we should have a little talk.
Nick Harper : Really?
Susan Harper : Yes.
Nick Harper : Dad said that?
Susan Harper : Yes. You see, we care. We want the best for you. We want you to be happy.
Nick Harper : Are you sure it was dad's idea?
Janey Harper : No, it was mum's idea. She's worried about you and Amanda.
Susan Harper : Do you mind? I'm trying to have a private conversation with your brother.
Janey Harper : I know! That's why I'm listening!
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Nick Harper : So, what's to worry about?
Susan Harper : Well... you see, you and Amanda are very... different.
Nick Harper : I know. She's a girl.
Susan Harper : What I'm trying to say, Nick, is she's not a girl. She's a woman.
Nick Harper : Still don't see a problem.
Janey Harper : She thinks Amanda is too old for you!
Susan Harper : Janey!
Janey Harper : Well, if I wasn't here, he'd never have got around to it!
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Nick Harper : Ooh, by the way, we're getting married!
Susan Harper : What?
Nick Harper : Thought you'd be pleased!
Susan Harper : But you only met her on Tuesday!
Nick Harper : Yeah, but you know what it's like when you first start going out with someone - you just want to try everything!
Susan Harper : Nick, Nick, Nick! Marriage is a commitment for life. Two people who stay together for better or worse. Like me and your father.
Nick Harper : Got the picture. Scrub the wedding.
Susan Harper : So you're not getting married?
Nick Harper : Not now. I've not had time to think it through.
Susan Harper : Don't you think Amanda might find this a little... erratic?
Nick Harper : I shouldn't think so. I haven't asked her yet!
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Nick Harper : Well, got to go! Call of love must be answered!
Susan Harper : Have something to eat first.
Nick Harper : Er, no thanks, mum. Amanda's cooking me my favourite tonight.
Susan Harper : I didn't know you had a favourite.
Nick Harper : I do when Amanda cooks it!
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Nick Harper : Dad, er, you seen the car keys lately?
Ben Harper : No?
Nick Harper : [Waves them in Ben's face] Then take a good look! I won't be back till late!
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Susan Harper : Amanda.
Nick Harper : What about her?
Susan Harper : She's married.
Nick Harper : Go on.
Susan Harper : She's married.
Nick Harper : I know!
Susan Harper : You... how long have you known?
Nick Harper : From the beginning!
Susan Harper : Hasn't it occurred to you that might be a bit of a problem here?
Nick Harper : In what sense?
Susan Harper : In the sense that she has a husband.
Nick Harper : Course not! He's never in when I'm there!
Susan Harper : Well, isn't a coincidence?
Nick Harper : Well, I don't think so, mum! I think Amanda planned it that way!
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Susan Harper : Let's drink to marriage!
Ben Harper : No, no...
Amanda , Nick Harper : Marriage!
Ben Harper : Marriage... marriage...
Susan Harper : And fidelity!
Ben Harper , Amanda , Nick Harper : Fidelity!
Susan Harper : Oh, and not tarting around behind your husband's back!
Nick Harper : I think she's got the picture now, mum!
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Susan Harper : It is up to you who you go out with. And whoever you choose, I just want you to remember that I'll always be your mother and I'll always be here for you.
Nick Harper : Thanks, mum. And I want to thank you for putting up with me all these years. Letting me live here rent-free. Free food. Free laundry. Free beer. No, I mean it, mum. I always appreciate you. And I always will.
Susan Harper : You've split up, haven't you?
Nick Harper : That's right!
Susan Harper : I'm so sorry! It was bound to happen! She just wasn't right for you.
Nick Harper : No, it wasn't me. It was you.
Susan Harper : What?
Nick Harper : Amanda didn't like you. She said you were interfering and nosey!
Susan Harper : ME? THAT... can't be the only reason!
Nick Harper : Well, there was the other man.
Susan Harper : Her husband.
Nick Harper : No, dad. Didn't like him, either!