My Family (TV Series)

Age of Romance (2001)

Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper

Quotes 

• Janey Harper : Again, the poor relation. One gets a computer, the other gets a dinner party, and nothing for the poor little match girl. Perhaps she'll just fade away.

  Ben Harper : Hopefully mouth first.

• Susan Harper : [Talking to Nick about his older girlfriend]  When a sophisticated woman like that goes out with a scre- with a young man like you, she's probably... I don't know how to put this delicately...

  Janey Harper : ...just using you for sex.

  Nick Harper : I know! It's great, innit?

• Susan Harper : Is it wrong to want to do something as a family?

  Ben Harper : We've been doing something as a family for 20 years.

  Janey Harper : Yeah - suffering!

• Nick Harper : [Commentating the Scrabble game with a Scottish accent]  And here we have the aged veteran Ben Harper - oh, battling valiantly against the worst rack of letters I've seen in my life! He lines up another go... Oh, dear, he seems tense! I think I can detect a vein throbbing in his temple! He appears to be turning red!

  Ben Harper : [Throws his tiles in frustration]  That's it! I've had enough of this!

  Susan Harper : Oh, where are you going? We're having family fun!

  Michael Harper : You always do this when I'm winning!

  Janey Harper : Thanks, Nick! I owe you!

  Nick Harper : Yeah! £5, wasn't it?

  [Janey pays him £5] 

• Janey Harper : Er, excuse me? What do I get?

  Ben Harper : Sorry?

  Janey Harper : Well, Michael's getting a computer. What do I get?

  Susan Harper : It's because the school says he's gifted.

  Janey Harper : Well, I'm gifted! I've got a natural talent for fashion!

• Janey Harper : Why don't you buy me some clothes?

  Susan Harper : Janey, you know your father and I have always treated all of our children fairly. So I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you we can't give you anything at the moment because...

  Ben Harper : ...we've spent all this money on Michael!

• Susan Harper : So, Nick, how long have you been seeing Amanda?

  Nick Harper : Oh, well, let's think... I met her when I had that limo driving job.

  Ben Harper : That would be Tuesday?

  Nick Harper : Yep. We just clicked and now she can't get enough of me.

  Ben Harper : Well, she can have my share!

  Michael Harper : And mine!

  Janey Harper : And mine!

• Susan Harper : Your father thinks we should have a little talk.

  Nick Harper : Really?

  Susan Harper : Yes.

  Nick Harper : Dad said that?

  Susan Harper : Yes. You see, we care. We want the best for you. We want you to be happy.

  Nick Harper : Are you sure it was dad's idea?

  Janey Harper : No, it was mum's idea. She's worried about you and Amanda.

  Susan Harper : Do you mind? I'm trying to have a private conversation with your brother.

  Janey Harper : I know! That's why I'm listening!

• Nick Harper : So, what's to worry about?

  Susan Harper : Well... you see, you and Amanda are very... different.

  Nick Harper : I know. She's a girl.

  Susan Harper : What I'm trying to say, Nick, is she's not a girl. She's a woman.

  Nick Harper : Still don't see a problem.

  Janey Harper : She thinks Amanda is too old for you!

  Susan Harper : Janey!

  Janey Harper : Well, if I wasn't here, he'd never have got around to it!

• Janey Harper : Well, thanks a lot!

  Ben Harper : For what?

  Janey Harper : For nothing!

  Ben Harper : You're welcome.

• Michael Harper : Well, I'm still going to need some space for my new computer.

  Janey Harper : Er, well, I need somewhere to store my clothes - and your dead body!

  Michael Harper : Alright, and do you know how to kill someone without getting caught?

  Janey Harper : What?

  Michael Harper : I do!

• Janey Harper : I am sick and tired of being the poor relation in this family! Look, who's room is the smallest? Mine!

  Ben Harper : Alright! Alright! Why don't you two just swap rooms?

  Michael Harper : I'm not moving into Janey's room! It smells of girl!

  Janey Harper : Well, I'm not moving into Michael's room. It smells of...

  Susan Harper : Attention! Important announcement: nobody is moving anywhere! I'm not having this whole family disrupted because of Nick and his passing... fad!

  Michael Harper : No, mum. It's the real thing. He got me to programme her number into the speed dial.

  Susan Harper : He also got you to programme the number of The Speaking Clock!

• Janey Harper : Er, this is so unfair! Why aren't I invited?

  Susan Harper : Because Nick and your father will be there. That's high risk enough already!

• Ben Harper : [about Nick]  Happy as ever! You'd think he'd allow us a decent period of gloom.

  Susan Harper : That just leaves Janey.

  Ben Harper : Mmm?

  Susan Harper : Nick's happy. Michael's got his computer. But Janey still thinks we're neglecting her. What are we going to do?

  Ben Harper : Oh, I don't know. I... thought we'd just buy her a pair of shoes.

  Susan Harper : I despair sometimes. How could you think our own daughter could be so shallow?

  Janey Harper : [Walks in with a brand new pair of shoes]  Thank you so much for the shoes! You're the best dad in the world any girl could ever have!

  Ben Harper : Steady on! It's only a pair of shoes!

  Janey Harper : You don't think that's the end of it, do you?

  Ben Harper : [to Susan]  See? Everybody's happy! Haha!