My Family (TV Series)
A Handful of Dust (2002)
Kris Marshall: Nick Harper
Quotes
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Nick : Oh no. My worst nightmare. Two lesbians sharing a bed in my house, and one of them's my sister.
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Nick : How's the birthday boy there?
Ben : I dread to think what you've got me as a present.
Nick : I didn't get you any presents, dad.
Ben : Ah, yeah... Thank you.
Nick : [pause] No, only joking!
Ben : So?
Nick : So here it is: "The soft answer turneth away wrath".
Ben : What kind of hell present is that?
Nick : The best kind! A few well-chosen words of advice. It may not cost much, but it will last you a lifetime.
Nick : Yeah, well, these corn flakes won't!
Ben : Well, you said you didn't want any fuss!
Ben : Yeah, your mother said she didn't want any fuss on her birthday! Everybody bought her lots of lovely presents!
Michael Harper : Well, that's because we knew she'd be really upset if we didn't.
Ben : Well, I'm upset!
Nick : Yeah, but it somehow seems to wash over us!
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Ben : What does a gorillagram do, actually? Oh, it's not a stripping job, is it?
Nick : No. You're thinking of a stripagram. A gorillagram is entirely different. I burst into the room completely unannounced, do a bit of the old comedy banana play, and then I sing them 'Happy Birthday'. Or 'Congratulations'. Or 'Deepest Sympathy'. And then if they want me to strip, I do.
Abi Harper : Why don't you strip for your dad? It's his birthday.
Nick : Hey, if I do it for anyone, it'll just make it tacky!
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Nick : Hello, Janey.
Janey Harper : What?
Nick : Are you gay?
Janey Harper : No.
Nick : OK!
Janey Harper : Why?
Nick : Mum and dad asked me to ask you.
Janey Harper : How much did they pay you?
Nick : £20!
Janey Harper : I see. You're not going to tell them, are you?
Nick : No way! If I play this right, it could be regular work!
