- Stan Lansing: I judge no man. We all have our little idiosyncrasies; I won't trouble you with mine. Although, judging from that wild night of yours, I think we have a few areas that overlap.
- Stan Lansing: When your little adventure started bringing in young viewers in droves, I was a happy man. You're a god to them!
- Jim Dial: A god?
- Stan Lansing: Yeah, like - like Zeus, or... or Luke Perry!
- Jim Dial: Let me first say that I am from the old school - someone who still remembers when silence was golden, mum was the word, and those with skeletons kept them in the closet where they belong. But those days are over. Thus, I present you the truth about my twisted, abnormal life. Though I'd hoped to avoid this, I must confess... I have nothing to confess. I am as normal as one can possibly be. Now, judging by today's tell-all books, that makes me our nation's number one pervert. And in a world without stability, I remain the sane, solid citizen I always was. And since no one else will say it: Good for me.