- Muppet Elvis 1: [declaration of Independence spoof] Say, there, George Washington.
- Muppet Elvis 2: What's up there, Thomas Jefferson?
- Muppet Elvis 1: Well, I was just wondering if you had anymore of that there cherry pie left?
- Muppet Elvis 2: I cannot tell a lie. I ate the whole thang.
- Muppet Elvis 1: Whoooooa. Mercy.
- The Great Gonzo: Here on Monday we have "Murphy Prawn" and "The Single Duck in the City with his Apartment Full of Friends." And for this evening's show right now we have "TBA" followed by the "X-Flies"...
- Kermit the Frog: Excuse me Gonzo, but "TBA" means to be announced which means we don't have a show for tonight!
- Clifford: I've always wanted to have my own show. Man, this is great! So when does it start?
- Kermit the Frog: In about thirty seconds.
- [Clifford faints]
- Miss Piggy: I've had it with that Pfeiffer! I'll show that tiny tushed t-t-t... Quick, give me a t-word.
- Miss Piggy: Eh, T-pot.
- Clifford: Turtle?
- Miss Piggy: Turtle, good. I'll show you, you tiny tushed turtle!
- Clifford: Man, that Miss Piggy may be a ham, but no matter how you slice it, she really brings home the bacon!
- Rizzo the Rat: Hey, hey, don't use up all the pig metaphors, this is only our first show.
- Clifford: Where's the Dancing Cheeses? I'd like to thank them for all the work they did.
- Rizzo the Rat: Let me do that for ya.
- [patting his stomach]
- Rizzo the Rat: Thank you, Dancing Cheeses, for all your hard work.
- [laughs]
- Clifford: Aw, man, you ate the cheeses?
- Rizzo the Rat: Of course I ate the cheeses. I'm a rat, they're cheese. It's the circle of life.
- [more laughter]