- Sam the American Eagle: Oh, to have the brilliant, talented Rudolf Nureyev on our show! He's my favorite opera singer.
- Sam the American Eagle: Now, remember. When Mr. Nureyev arrives, we must be dignified, we must be respectful.
- Rudolf Nureyev: [wearing street clothes] Hey, you guys. Here I am.
- Sam the American Eagle: Not for long, you are not! We are waiting for Mr. Nureyev.
- Kermit: Hey...
- Sam the American Eagle: I'll handle this.
- [pushes Rudolf out the door]
- Sam the American Eagle: Get out of here, you freak! You hippie! You weirdo! Get out! Move, move! Get a hair cut! Who do these punk kids think they are?
- Kermit: That one thinks he's Rudolf Nureyev.
- Sam the American Eagle: What?
- Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev.
- Rudolf Nureyev: Think of it. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. Today, I'm in a steam room with a lady pig.
- Miss Piggy: Oh, yes, and isn't it heaven?
- Rudolf Nureyev: I don't think heaven is this warm. It's more like the other place.
- Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Hi there and welcome to The Muppet Show!
- Sam the American Eagle: You call THAT dignity?
- Kermit: Uh, I'm sorry, Sam. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor to welcome you to The Muppet Show.
- Miss Piggy: Look at the time!
- Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Hey! The timing of the shrew!
- Miss Piggy: Are you calling me a shrew?
- Rowlf the Dog: If the shrew fits!