The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Connie Stevens (1977)

Dave Goelz: The Great Gonzo, Zoot

Quotes 

• Hilda : Gonzo I categorically, absolutely refuse to repair that teddy bear!

  The Great Gonzo : Can I take that to mean maybe? Come on, Hilda, what do you say?

  Hilda : I say that bear is the worst thing I have ever seen in this theatre. Why not get rid of him?

  Fozzie : The bear is the worst thing she's ever seen in this theatre? My whole life is flashing before my eyes.

• Nigel : Okay, Zoot, it's time for your solo. Have you looked over the music?

  Zoot : Do you expect me to play this, man?

  Nigel : What else would you do with it?

  Zoot : If I had a match I could put it out of its misery.

  Nigel : Trust me, Zoot, this is a great little number.

  Zoot : What if I refuse to play it?

  Nigel : What if I get a new sax player?

  Zoot : What if you and I just get right down to it and do this little beauty, huh?

  Nigel : Good thought.

  Zoot : Forgive me, Charlie Parker, wherever you are.

• The Great Gonzo : Hilda, Hilda. Could I ask a great big favour?

  Hilda : Oh, Gonzo, I'm very busy right now!

  The Great Gonzo : Oh, but I brought my Teddy Bear in just especially for you to repair.

  Hilda : Gonzo, aren't you a little old to carry around a teddy bear?

  The Great Gonzo : Really? You think I'm emotionally mature enough to move up to a Raggedy Anne?

• The Great Gonzo : [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear]  Don't tell me you don't like him either?

  Kermit the Frog : What's there to like, Gonzo? That bear is the worst! I say, let's get rid of him, OK?

  The Great Gonzo : But he's a nice bear. I don't care if he is moldy-looking. I like him.

  Fozzie : [thinking they are talking about him]  Did you hear? Only Gonzo likes me. And he thinks I'm moldy!

• Fozzie : Goodbye, Mr. Frog.

  Kermit the Frog : Hey Fozzie, where are you going?

  Fozzie : Oh, I been hearing what they've been saying about the old bear. I'm going home. I'm leaving the show business.

  The Great Gonzo : [talking about his Teddy Bear]  Kermit, if the bear goes. I go.

  Fozzie : [thinking Gonzo is talking about him]  Gonzo, I never realized. What loyalty? OK, the ball is in your court, frog!

  Kermit the Frog : a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Hold it! Hold it! Listen Fozzie. When you heard people say they didn't want the bear around here, they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear. Not to you.

  Fozzie : Teddy bear? Then you mean you really want me to stay?

  Kermit the Frog : Of course I want you to stay on the show. You're a star. You're a legend in your own time.

  [aside to camera] 

  Kermit the Frog : Am I laying it on a little too sick?

  Fozzie : I don't know what to say except that if you the frog want me the bear to stay, then I'll just have to have a raise.

  Kermit the Frog : What?

  Fozzie : And I'll need a bigger dressing room, and a limousine...

  Kermit the Frog : Will you get out of here, Fozzie!

  Fozzie : Thank you, Sir. Thank you, thank you.

  The Great Gonzo : Well like I was saying Kermit, if the bear goes, the Gonzo goes.

  Kermit the Frog : OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. Sometimes the crown weighs rather heavy on this little froggy head.

• Scooter : [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear]  What do I think of the bear? Why, he's funny. No, no, really. Every time I look at him, he makes me wanna laugh and laugh and laugh. I think he's just great.

  The Great Gonzo : Well, I'm glad you like him. Kermit says it's a disgrace to have him around and we oughta get a new one.

  Scooter : Yeah, well, that'd be nice, too!

  Fozzie : [thinking they are talking about him]  The bear can barely bear it, folks.

• The Great Gonzo : Thank you. Thank you. This is the tomato plant and I am the Gonzo.

  [Gonzo begins playing the "1812 Overture" on violin as the tomato plant grows and wraps itself around Gonzo carrying him off stage] 

• Fozzie : I've had it! Now that I know what people think of me here, I'm leaving the show.

  The Great Gonzo : Hi, Scooter.

  Scooter : Hi, Gonz.

  The Great Gonzo : Say, I'm curious. What do you think of him?

  [referring to his teddy bear] 

  Fozzie : [thinking they are talking about him]  Listen! They're taking about me. Well, I will not listen!