- [first lines]
- Announcer: Hello, good evening, and welcome to, "It's A Living." The rules are very simple. Each week, we get a large fee. At the end of that week, we get another large fee. If there's been no interruption at the end of the year, we get a repeat fee, which can be added on for tax purposes to the previous year, or the following year if there's no new series. Every contestant, in addition to getting a large fee is entitled to three drinks at the BBC or, if the show is over, seven drinks - unless he's an M.P., in which case he can have seven drinks before the show; or a bishop, only three drinks in toto. The winners will receive an additional fee, a prize which they can flog back, and a special fee for a guest appearance on "Late Night Line-up." Well, those are the rules, that's the game. We'll be back again same time next week; 'til then, bye-bye!
- Interviewer: Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht.
- Raymond Luxury Yacht: That's not my name!
- Interviewer: [tries literal pronunciation] I'm sorry; Raymond Luxury Yatscht.
- Raymond Luxury Yacht: No no no, it's spelled, "Raymond Luxury Yacht," but it's pronounced, "Throat Warbler Mangrove".
- Interviewer: You are a very silly man, and I'm not going to interview you.
- Raymond Luxury Yacht: Ah, ha! Anti-Semitism!
- Interviewer: Not at all. It's not even a proper nose.
- [the Interviewer removes Raymond's nose]
- Interviewer: It's polystyrene.
- Raymond Luxury Yacht: Give me my nose back!
- Interviewer: You can collect it at reception. Now go away.
- Raymond Luxury Yacht: I want to be on television!
- Interviewer: Well you can't.
- BBC Voiceover: Well, it's five past nine and nearly time for six past nine. On BBC 2 now, it'll shortly be six and a half minutes past nine. Later on this evening, it'll be ten o'clock and at 10:30 we'll be joining BBC 2 in time for 10:33, and don't forget tomorrow when it'll be 9:20. Those of you who missed 8:45 on Friday will be able to see it again this Friday at a quarter to nine. Now, here is a time check. It's six and a half minutes to the big green thing.
- 2nd BBC Voiceover: You're a looney.
- BBC Voiceover: I get so bored. I get so bloody bored.
- Announcer: Arthur Negus has held Bristols. That's not a result, that's a bit of gossip. And Mary Whitehouse has just taken Umbrage. Could be a bit of trouble there.