- Noelle Winters: Is your wife here?
- Adrian Monk: I'm not married.
- Noelle Winters: You're wearing a ring.
- Adrian Monk: She passed away. I can't bring myself to take it off yet.
- Noelle Winters: Oh, I'm sorry. When did she die?
- Adrian Monk: Six years ago.
- Sharona Fleming: I've got a kid.
- Dexter Larson: Then tell your boss to get off my back.
- Sharona Fleming: Okay, now you listen to me, you twisted, porn-peddling freak. You print those pictures, you're gonna hurt my son. You hurt my son, I am coming after you. And I am gonna dedicate my life to ruining yours.
- Dexter Larson: Yeah? Well, take a number.
- Lt. Randall Disher: The Sapphire Mansion? I've never been. Have you?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, once.
- Sharona Fleming: Did you tell Karen?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, I did. In couples' counseling. We were playing the honesty game.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Red Roof Inn?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. It was before they put that new wallpaper in the lobby.
- [on learning that Monk and Sharona are on their way to the Sapphire Mansion]
- Lt. Randall Disher: You know, sir, I think Monk may be on to something here. Maybe we should tag along.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Lieutenant, I think you're right.
- Sharona Fleming: Oh, God...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, I'm married, not dead.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, my God. We're really here. We're in his bedroom. Pinch me.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No.
- Lt. Randall Disher: I didn't mean really pinch me.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, shut up. We're done talking about pinching.
- Dexter Larson: Sharona. That's a beautiful name. It's from the Bible, isn't it?
- Sharona Fleming: You read the Bible?
- Dexter Larson: Not lately.
- Adrian Monk: [reading one of Trudy's poems, he has reduced an entire room of Sapphire girls to tears] "Hold me, Adrian, my darling husband. True love's touch is so rare a gift. How much more precious is your caress, who loves so deeply yet fears the warmth of hand on hand. Still your love is given free, only to me. Only to me." That was the last poem she ever wrote.
- Party Guy: [pokes his head in the room, jauntily] Anybody want a swim?
- Party Goer: [tearfully] I just want to go home.
- Sapphire Model: [tearfully] Me, too.
- Dexter Larson: I was the kind of guy that a woman like you never talked to.
- Sharona Fleming: You still are.
- Dexter Larson: [Lt. Disher has just sat down on the bed with a built in massager and turned it on] Whoa there cowboy, don't hurt yourself.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Lt. Disher, get off the bed.
- [Adrian is measuring the length of the hairs Sharona is snipping off his head with a ruler]
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian, these are very sharp scissors. Don't piss me off.
- Sharona Fleming: [looking at a picture of Amber's daughter] Oh, she's beautiful. How old is she?
- Amber: She's four.
- Sharona Fleming: Beautiful.
- Amber: [tearfully] You know, it's like... I just want her to be proud of me, you know?
- Sharona Fleming: She will be.
- Amber: I gotta go...
- Sharona Fleming: Hey, hey, Amber. You know, I have a kid, too. And believe me, I've done some things in my life that I pray to God my son doesn't find out about, you know? But we all make mistakes. The question is, what are you gonna do about it? Right?
- [after Dexter shows Monk the nude pictures of Sharona]
- Adrian Monk: What kind of man are you?
- Dexter Larson: I told you before, Mr. Monk: I do not lose.