- Mrs. Nell Naugatuck: What's all the fuss about? Just because a man's homosexual? We think quite highly of them in England. Our government's full of them. The only we're positive isn't a queen is the Queen!
- Walter Findlay: Where's the dental floss? You know, I can never find anything in that cabinet.
- Maude Findlay: Honey, it's on the right-hand side. I always very carefully put everything pertaining to dental hygiene in the same place.
- Walter Findlay: Since when?
- Maude Findlay: Since the morning you gargled with my Lydia Pinkham.
- Maude Findlay: Honey, would you hurry it up? Arthur's dropping by, and I invited Barry over for cocktails.
- Walter Findlay: [offstage] Barry? Barry Witherspoon? Not Barry Witherspoon! You can't mean Barry Witherspoon, Maude! Not again, not again!
- Maude Findlay: I knew you'd be pleased.
- Walter Findlay: That conceited, pompous windbag is coming over again tonight?
- Maude Findlay: Yeah, Arthur wants to meet him, he's read his book. Oh, but Vivian can't make it, she's gone to the dog show with her dog, Chuck.
- Walter Findlay: Since when does she enter Chuck in dog shows?
- Maude Findlay: She doesn't, dear. Chuck likes to watch. Leave it to Vivian to have a wire-haired voyeur.
- Walter Findlay: That's where I should go. I'd rather watch a bunch of dogs sitting and heeling than listen to Barry.
- Maude Findlay: Good idea, Walter. Maybe you'll learn how to roll over and play dead. I tell you, I'd get a lot more sleep that way.
- Walter Findlay: Maude, we are not having dinner with that guy tonight! I told you, I can't stand him! Guy gets some special pleasure reminding me that I didn't graduate high school, like last time in front of everybody, giving me that lecture on the difference between 'infer' and 'imply', as if I didn't know.
- Maude Findlay: Come on now, Walter, he just gets impatient with ninnies who constantly misuse those words.
- Maude Findlay: Are you inferring I'm a ninny?
- Maude Findlay: Of course not, sweetheart. I'm 'implying' you're a ninny; 'you' were inferring.