- J.D. Dunne: [after a outlaw has knocked J.D.'s hat off his head] Are you about a hundred pounds of stupid?
- [bends down and picks his had up]
- Ezra Standish: You know, Ella, I was considering adopting Mr. Averal's sobriquet for myself. "Handsome Ezra" has a certain ring to it, don't you think?
- Buck Wilmington: "Windbag" is more like it.
- Ella Gaines: And still the handsomest guy I ever knew.
- Chris Larabee: And you're still the prettiest liar I ever met.
- Ezra Standish: If, uh, you'd prefer the bunkhouse, Chris, I'll take the feather bed. That's the sort of good-hearted person I am.
- Josiah Sanchez: [talking about golf] It's the kind of game you, uh, play with your worst enemy. Which turns out to be yourself.