M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Rally 'Round the Flagg, Boys (1979)

Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Colonel Flagg : You took a yellow red before a white American. That's pretty pinko.

  Hawkeye : You're even boring in Technicolor.

• Colonel Flagg : [cornering Hawkeye]  Your butt is in my sling.

  Hawkeye : Alright, take me I'm yours.

  Colonel Flagg : I knew it, you're one of those too.

• Hawkeye : [Hawkeye tries to get bidding signals from his bridge partner]  I'm reminded of a story. You've probably heard it. The, uh, King and Queen of this country were playing golf with five clubs, when their son, Jack, remarked how strange it was they had only two hearts between them. Just then, Deucey and her little dog, Trey, started singing "Four Diamonds are a girl's best friend." Whereupon the entire family beat her to death and buried her with two spades. Did you get it?"

  Charles : Everybody did.

  Hawkeye : Well, I didn't. What do I bid?

  Everyone : Two clubs!

  Hawkeye : Please! No prompting. I bid two clubs.

• Basgall : Hey! My buddy better not die on account of you.

  Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Margaret, will you keep that thing over him.

  Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : I'm trying to, Doctor, but he's got an awfully big mouth.

  Basgall : You guys are so high and mighty. You sit back here, you're playing God. You don't care!

  Hawkeye : Somebody shut him up!

  Basgall : Yeah, shut me up. Go ahead, shut me up so I won't tell anybody how you save your gook friends!

  Hawkeye : Hold that. Hey!

  Col. Sherman T. Potter : Pierce!

  Hawkeye : I don't have to take that kind of garbage, now shut your mouth before I come over there and clamp it shut!

• Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : You're gonna lose your magic decoder ring for this one, Flagg!