M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Major Fred C. Dobbs (1973)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Col. Henry Blake : Boy, you guys are impossible!
Hawkeye : Well fire us, Henry. Fire us.
Lt. Col. Henry Blake : Listen, big shot, I'm gonna do more than that. I'm gonna do *more* than that.
[Leaves room, then comes back]
Lt. Col. Henry Blake : What am I doing? This is my office. You guys get out of here!
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Hawkeye : I almost forgot. It's time to listen to my favorite Armed Forces soap opera, "Just Plain MacArthur."
[turns on tape recorder]
Frank Burns : Soap operas now. You're deteriorating by the minute.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : [recording] I'll be devastated without you, you know that.
Frank Burns : [recording] I'll write you every day... faithfully!
Frank Burns : "I'll write every day... faithfully." Listen to that drivel, that manure! You know, anyone who could listen to that...
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : [recording] Frank, you're crushing my 'mums.
Frank Burns : Was that... that's... that's...
Hawkeye : That's right. Nurse Drivel and Dr. Manure!
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Trapper : It's a little chilly out there, how bout a drink?
Hawkeye : If you need a reason to drink, you shouldn't.
Trapper : A double or a triple?
Hawkeye : How about the first quintuple martini in medical history? How about you Frank, one for the road?
Frank Burns : I make it a point never to drink with strangers and as of right now, I don't know either one of you.
Hawkeye : It's chilly in here too. Make Frank a Shirley Temple and put it on my tab.
Frank Burns : You're nothing but common drunks.
Hawkeye : That is a rumor started by people I've fallen over.
Frank Burns : Laugh now, but when this war is over, I'll go back to my Country Club and my 30 foot yacht, and you two will be ship's doctors on a garbage scow somewhere.
Hawkeye : The typical love/hate complex. Freud said it best when he said, "Never ask for light chocolates."
Frank Burns : You're both a disgrace to the medical profession, let alone the United States Army.
Trapper : He's beginning to soften.
