Photos
Quotes
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Hawkeye : [on why he made up a fake airline company] To help you look foolish!
Major Franklin Marion Burns : I don't need your help!
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Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : [Trapper, drunk and still upset about the letter he received from home, is packing] I gotta see my daughters... Do you know how long it's been since I made love to my wife?
Hawkeye : At least one daughter ago... Trap, leaving a war in the middle is very upsetting to those who invited us.
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : Hey, listen: I don't like a movie, I get up and leave. I don't like the war; I'm going.
Hawkeye : Aw, c'mon, Trap, you gotta stick around and see how it ends!
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : Oh, but it doesn't end. It's continuous. When it finishes here, they take it on the road.
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Hawkeye : [about Frank Burns] I wish someone would tear him down and put up a human being.
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Hawkeye : If you will notice, I take pen and ink in hand, and soon, gentle reader, Frank will discover a letter which may well change the course of his mean little life.
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : How can you be sure he'll find it?
Hawkeye : Quite simple: I'll hide it.
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Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : [Trapper is trying to leave the Swamp with his duffel bag; drunkenly intending to go AWOL. Hawkeye stands inside the door] See you in the funny papers!
Hawkeye : Trap...
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : Hey, Hawk. Outta the way.
Hawkeye : I don't want to use violence.
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : Then I will.
[he hits Hawkeye with the bag, knocking him down]
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Major Franklin Marion Burns : You're so dedicated, so noble. Wouldn't dirty your hands with money.
Hawkeye : Are you cereal, Frank? I come from a long line of money-grubbers. My great-grandfather Tombstone Pierce made his fortune selling whiskey and hors d'oeuvres to the Indians.
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : Whiskey AND hors d'oeuvres, Gracie?
Hawkeye : He always said ''What's a drink without a nosh?''