M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Life with Father (1974)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : [Chim Sa is looking for a rabbi to perform a bris] I'll do the circumcision, but you'll have to find a Jewish chaplain to lay on the prayers.
Captain John McIntyre : Can Father Mulcahy do Jewish?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Only if he can read Latin from right to left.
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Nurse Baker : Shall I diaper, Doctor?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Yes, and then the baby.
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[Hawk watches Fr. Mulcahy pray over his food at mess]
Hawkeye : How can you give thanks for food this bad?
Fr. Mulcahy : Just being grateful for my daily bread.
Trapper : My daily bread's four days old.
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Radar : Mail call. Father
[hands Mulcahy a letter]
Fr. Mulcahy : Ah, it's from my sister, the sister. Maria Angelica.
Trapper : I thought her name was Kathy.
Fr. Mulcahy : Maria Angelica is the name she took as a nun.
Radar : Her married name.
Hawkeye : No mail for me? A cancelled subscription? A lawyer letter? An apology form my draft board; it was all a big mistake? Something?
Radar : This one's marked "Occupant: MASH 4077".
Hawkeye : Sold.
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[Hawk and Trap are trying to figure out what a local asking "Labbi Fobris" wants]
Hawkeye : Fobris, fobris... there was a Lt. Forbes. Tall, thin guy; only dermatologist I ever knew with pimples.
Trapper : Maybe she's looking for Cpt. Forrest.
Hawkeye : Who?
Trapper : The brain surgeon who feel down a lot.
Hawkeye : No, he's been gone over two years. He's got a toy store now.
Chim Sa : Read, prease.
[hands Hawkeye a paper which he reads]
Trapper : What?
Hawkeye : "Labbi fobris" is "rabbi for bris."
Chim Sa : Yes, yes. Sang Min.
[hold up her baby]
Hawkeye : She's married to Walter R. Jacobson, corporal.
Chim Sa : 0390-118010.
Hawkeye : This is their son, Sang Min Jacobson who's too young to have a number yet. The father, busy at the front, is asking that a circumcision be performed with a traditional Jewish ceremony which is known as a bris.
[hands the paper back]
Hawkeye : I'll do the circumcision, but you're gonna have to get a Jewish chaplain to lay on the prayers.
Trapper : Can Father Mulcahy do Jewish?
Hawkeye : Only if he can read Latin from right to left.
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Lt. Colonel Henry Blake : You know what I've been doing? Crying. I never cry. I never cried as a kid. Go ahead. Hit me on the arm as hard as you can. I won't cry. Go on.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : It's no sin to cry.
Lt. Colonel Henry Blake : It is in Bloomington. Tractor tipped over on my father once, and he walked five miles into the woods to scream.
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Maj. Frank Burns : What's this I hear about you performing a cirky on an infant?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : That's elective surgery.
Maj. Frank Burns : Against regulations.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : So is groping in the x-ray room without leather aprons.