M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Fade Out, Fade In (1977)
Jamie Farr: Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Schaeffer : [Klinger and Capt. Schaeffer enter Potter's office, presumably to review Klinger's eligibility for a Section 8 discharge] I expected other officers, Colonel... a review board.
Col. Potter : Road apples, Private!
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Captain, Colonel.
Col. Potter : Private, Corporal.
Capt. Schaeffer : Private?
Capt. Schaeffer : Well... caught again.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Hold it. Wait... wait... wait a minute. I thought...
Col. Potter : Button it, button it!
Capt. Schaeffer : Let him talk.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : You're my lawyer!
Col. Potter : Your lawyer is a buck private and he's no lawyer.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : I beg your... How's that?
Col. Potter : According to his captain, a *real* captain, Schaeffer here has been bucking for a Section 8 longer than you have! Busted twice. Done four months in the slammer. Has impersonated a doctor, a bombardier, a tank commander, even a chaplain!
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : A chaplain!
Capt. Schaeffer : At this very moment, somewhere in America, 25 couples are living in sin.
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Col. Potter : Teddy Roosevelt had a transvestite in his outfit. Rode sidesaddle up San Juan Hill.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Is that true, Captain?
Capt. Schaeffer : Could be.
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Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : You shyster! Why did you lie to me, get my hopes up?
Capt. Schaeffer : I figured you'd understand, you're my own kind!
Col. Potter : [Potter whistles for the MP's, they enter] He's all yours, boys.
Capt. Schaeffer : Well, hang in there, Klinger!
[begins to leave with the MP's]
Capt. Schaeffer : I was an MP once, too!
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : I feel like crying.